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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27205258">Ache, Convalescence and Aspiration</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubiconFiction/pseuds/RubiconFiction'>RubiconFiction</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A LOT of Angst, A lot of Hurt, A lot of comfort, Crying, Father Figure Hotch, Father Figure Rossi, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, No beta we die like Maeve, Pain, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective David Rossi, Protective Derek Morgan, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, Spencer Reid gets lots of hugs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:14:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27205258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubiconFiction/pseuds/RubiconFiction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Survival is hard. Recovery is harder.<br/> </p><p>(This is NOT a post Revelations fic. But I do take some heavy references from Revelations).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner &amp; David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner &amp; Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan &amp; Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid &amp; David Rossi, Spencer Reid &amp; The BAU Team</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>405</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rossi stared at the walls. He isn't actually focusing on anything. He's just gazing blankly, willing his brain to stop. But that image of Reid, bloodied, screaming.... He shook his head, if anything happened to Reid, the team wouldn't survive. He knew that. It isn't just a euphemism. The team <em>would</em> break up. <em>It's Spencer for god's sake! </em>This wouldn't be similar to Gideon or even Hotch leaving. When Gideon left, the team was morose, yes, but they survived. They won't if anything happens to Spencer.</p><p>They'll get Spencer. <em>They had to get Spencer.</em></p><p> When Rossi returned to the BAU a little less than two years ago, he was slightly unsettled, nevertheless appreciative of how much the BAU had changed. Back in his days, they didn't have a communications liaison, never mind a technical analyst (Rossi wasn't even sure what that meant initially) and he was more than a little aware of how much older than the others he was. But he was impressed. Hotch was a new intern turned agent when he had left and 12 years later he'd worked himself up to Unit Chief. Sure, it was a little awkward at first, taking orders from someone he used to order himself, but Hotch had floored him. And not that he'd ever say it out loud, Hotch was a better Unit Chief than Gideon, and a better one than Rossi could be. </p><p>And then he met the kid. When Gideon had mentioned Reid to Rossi, he'd heard, but only half listened and was skeptical. The kid sounded more like am academic than an FBI agent and when he'd pointed that out, Gideon had tersely told him not to judge a book by its cover. Honestly when Gideon kept referring to Reid as kid, Rossi brushes that of as an age difference thing.</p><p><em>He didn't expect Reid to actually be a kid.</em> Reid was barely 17 when Gideon met him and already on his second doctorate. One conversation with Reid and Gideon was convinced he belonged to the BAU. And shockingly the Bureau was more than willing. Gideon later admitted to Rossi that he suspected that the State Department would rather have someone like Reid, given his history and intellect, working for them than potentially against them. There had been a growing trend of "geniuses" joining extremist organisations and having Reid in a federal job was about countering that but also to partly ensure Reid didn't become that.</p><p>Not that Rossi agreed with that. One conversation with him and you'd know the kid had an empathy streak a mile wide. But on paper, he understood the Department's concerns. Not that he'd ever read his personal file, but Rossi had profiled enough to know the painfully shy and secretly low esteemed genius had a more than difficult childhood. </p><p>He'd also seen glimpses of a few cigarette burns on Reid's fingers. Reid didn't smoke. </p><p>In a rare vulnerability of emotion, Reid had once told Rossi, "Being bullied and lonely is one thing. Being bullied and lonely with a scarily smart brain is a whole other thing".</p><p>Honestly Rossi found the kid a little annoying at first. There didn't seem to be a thing the kid didn't know but was somehow still extremely socially awkward. Hotch tended to keep him in the precinct as much as possible and Reid didn't seem to mind. Rossi commented once how Gideon was a surrogate father in Reid's eyes and he hadn't denied it, just softly smiled and shrugged.</p><p>And then Gideon left. </p><p>He left nothing but a note. When Rossi found Reid a few hours later, eyes blank, clutching the crumbled piece of paper and staring at the floor, Reid bitterly commented "Gideon left. He left a note. Just like my dad". Rossi sighed and squeezed his shoulder gently, taking the seat beside him in silence. He scooted closer to Reid and if Reid leaned into him slightly, he didn't mention it.</p><p>Rossi and by extension Hotch, quietly filled the large emotional vacuum Gideon left. Rossi understood Gideon's need to leave and but stills felt that Reid deserved better. He wasn't sure if Reid ever forgave Gideon but he did grow a lot closer to Rossi, and for the moment, that was enough. </p><p> </p><p>When Morgan radioed, voice loud and frantic, Hotch immediately felt his stomach fall. "Hotch, Reid! The unsub! He took Reid. Hotch he took Reid!". Morgan was shouting and Hotch couldn't find it in himself to correct him. Of all the possible scenarios, <em>not Reid and not this unsub</em>. They didn't even have an identity yet, but the profile and MO was enough to make Hotch feel nauseous. A sexual sadist and torture enthusiast with their not even 19 year old agent. Not for the first time, Hotch cursed that Reid's too young for the job.</p><p>Five minutes. That's all it took. Five minutes for Reid's radio to go silent and Morgan to reach where he was supposed to be. Five minutes and Reid's gone. Morgan swore as we felt his eyes sting. <em>Not Spencer. For god's sake, not Spencer.</em> And not with this unsub. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He kept his eyes down.</p><p>"Morgan", Hotch called out,</p><p>"It's not your fault". </p><p>He looked up, eyes shining, "Isn't it?"</p><p>"No it isn't", Hotch replied firmly. "I know this is difficult. But our first priority is getting Spencer back. And we can only do that if treat this as another abduction case. You need to keep it together Derek. For Spencer".</p><p>Hotch wasn't sure how much if what he said he believed himself. Brigs, the unsub, didn't keep his victims alive for more than a few days and it had already nearly been one since Spence had been taken. But it seemed to have the desired effect on Morgan, who wiped his face and nodded. As Morgan made his way out, Hotch forced himself to hope as well. They would find Spencer. <em>They had to.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A huge thank you to everyone who commented on my first chapter. It meant a lot to me. Before continuing with this I want to clarify certain things.</p><p>The only relevant age change here is Reid's. Reid here, currently is somewhere around just under 19. He met Gideon when he was 17. In real life, this doesn't happen. But in the fic, Reid got hired that early because of his intellect. As I mentioned in the fist chapter, partially because he's smart and partially to ensure he doesn't join some terrorist organisation or whatever. THIS IS FOR CREATIVE PURPOSES ONLY. </p><p>Also a trigger warning in this chapter for torture and implied assault.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reid desperately tried to pull at the rope binding his wrists. They were rubbing raw into the flesh and it was starting to bleed and burn. His body was hurting everywhere and his head felt like splitting. Disoriented, he didn't even notice Brigs enter the dark room he was in.</p><p>"Aah Spencer. You're awake", Brigs voice cut into the silence, his face contorting into a sick smile. "Good. We can finally begin".</p><p>Spencer himself wanted to cry. He knew Brigs'profile. He knew what he did to his victims. He knew how he killed them. "What do you want?" Reid hoped his voice was steadier than he felt.</p><p>"Hush hush now. You don't talk. I talk. You listen". Brigs was opening a bag and taking things out, making Spencer's heart lurch. He couldn't see what he was doing but he knew it couldn't be good. "We're gonna play a game now okay?" Reid swallowed twice to stop the hammering in his chest.</p><p>"What game?"</p><p>"I asked you to be quiet. You don't talk now. I do. Let's not have penalties before we even start". Brigs' voice was still that sickly gleeful that made Spencer's skin crawl and heart race. He zipped his bag and turned around to face Reid. "Now. Shall we begin?" Reid kept quiet. Brigs stood still for a moment before continuing. "But just the two of us seems kind of boring, don't you think? Your friends should join in".</p><p>Reid's eyes widened as he felt tears building up. Brigs was fiddling with a tripod and a camera in the corner. Not only was likely going to be tortured to death, his team would watch?</p><p> </p><p>"Hotch!" Garcia's panicked shout caught attention of everyone in the bullpen. "Hotch... it's...Hotch it's Reid", Garcia was almost hyperventilating now, "Oh my god, Hotch, the unsub, he's..he's taping Reid and channeling it to the BAU, oh god", Garcia was actively crying now. Everyone scrammed into Garcia small work den as they stared intently at the screen in trepidation. Brigs' face suddenly popped up on the screen and Garcia scrambled to get facial recognition on.</p><p>"Hello agents", the others were experienced enough to not let the rage and fear they were feeling onto their faces.</p><p>"Where's Dr. Reid?" Hotch asked calmly.</p><p>"Oh he's right here, Agent Hotchner", Brigs replied back, voice dripping with psychopathic glee. "We're gonna play a game now".</p><p>"I want to see Dr Reid first", Hotch interrupted. Brigs dropped the smile. "You want proof of life?" Hotch nodded. "Very well then. I suppose that's fair". No one quite understood what happened next. Faster than anyone anticipated, Brigs suddenly picked something up and pressed it against Reid's arm. The next thing anyone back in Garcia's office knew was that they heard screaming. <em>Agonising, raw, screaming</em>. It was undoubtedly Reid's voice and something very, very awful was going on. JJ and Emily pressed their hands against their mouths as Garcia struggled to choke back harsh sobs. Morgan looked angry and Rossi, who his his emotions far better kept a hand on his arm to stop him from saying something to enrage Brigs further. </p><p>Brigs came back on the screen,"Is that enough proof of life for you, Agent Hotchner?" </p><p>Hotch swallowed three times to steady his voice and stop his eyes from shining. "Hurting Dr Reid doesn't help anyone here. We can talk it out".</p><p>This seems to be the wrong thing to say and Brigs demeanor suddenly shifted. "NO! SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I TALK AND YOU LISTEN", Brigs took a deep breath and continued, "We're going to play a game. Okay?"</p><p>Hotch briefly glanced at Rossi who nodded. They didn't have much of a choice here.</p><p>"Okay. We'll play a game. Will it release Dr Reid?" </p><p>Brigs smiled, "If you win, yes". Hotch frowned. <em>That wasn't good. At all</em>. "It's a simple game really. You find me. That's all. Five days. You find me. You get Dr Reid and I go to jail. If you don't however", Brigs smirked and looked back, presumably where Reid lay, "well if you don't, then after five days.... <em>you won't even have a body left to look fo</em>r". Brigs whispered the last part in a way that heavily implied the others didn't want to know what that meant.</p><p>"How do I know Dr Reid will be alive?" Hotch ground out.</p><p>Brigs smirked again, "Oh don't worry agents, there'll be plenty of proofs of life over the next couple of days...live". JJ's eyes widened in horror as Garcia let out a choked sob. Morgan stormed out of the room while Emily and JJ held each other's hands for comfort. Rossi was mumbling something to himself and before Hotch had a chance to gather himself and reply, the screen went off.</p><p>No one said anything for the next few minutes. Hotch finally spoke up. "Garcia, can you uh, can you trace the video?" </p><p>Garcia wiped her face before speaking. "I'm trying but it's bouncing off different IP servers. I'm not stopping though. I'm going to try everything possible". Hotch nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder comfortably. Garcia continued, "We did get a facial recognition hit. Peter Brigs. 29 years old. But uh... there's absolutely nothing on him anywhere. No work address, no home address, no enlisted properties. Nothing". </p><p>Hotch nodded. "Keep trying. I know this is really, really hard for us. But we don't have a lot of time and the only way for us to get Spencer is to treat this like any other abduction case. So let's all take a few moments and meet in the briefing room".</p><p> </p><p>The team did try to regroup and work. They profiled the need for a large and secluded space. But they didn't know <em>where</em> to look for. Garcia was able to narrow down a large radius of places the IP could be bouncing from but it was still way too big an area to individually search. Eventually, after nearly 24 hours, Garcia tearfully told Hotch that the only way to get a proper address would be to trace it bit by bit. This meant that the only way to get Reid would be to <em>watch him get tortured</em> and more, atleast a few times. The realisation made the others sick.</p><p> </p><p>At the 24th hour on the dot, Brigs turned up on the screen again. Garcia was working, typing furiously on the other side of the room, secretly relieved at not having to witness Spencer's torture. Hotch briefly considered ordering Morgan and JJ to leave the room but decided against it. They would most likely argue and he didn't have it in him to order them out at this point.</p><p>"Well hello agents. One day down. Four to go".</p><p>"Where's Reid?", Morgan barked out. Rossi sent him a look, asking him to calm down.</p><p>"Oh don't worry Agent Morgan. <em>Pretty Boy</em> is alive. Isn't he?" Brigs turned the camera towards Reid and Hotch and Rossi had to turn their faces away. Morgan felt sick and slammed him fist on the table. Reid was slumped on a chair, shirtless and bloody. It wasn't clear where the blood was coming from but Reid was clearly disoriented and his eyes were fluttering. Lacerations on his torso could be made out faintly in the light. The worst thing however was the disgusting way Brigs was caressing Reid's stomach as Reid was trying to pull away slightly. Brigs' hands were dangerously near the waistband of Reid's pants and even considering the implications of the action made Hotch nearly gag.</p><p>"You don't have to hurt him", Rossi called out evenly but Hotch had known him a long time and picked up on the slight quiver in his voice.</p><p>"Oh I know that Agent Rossi. I don't <em>have</em> to hurt him ofcourse. But it's a good incentive perhaps. For you all". And just like last time, before Rossi could even reply, the screen shut off.</p><p>"Garcia?" Hotch called out, voice a long shout away from the usual stoic authority they were used to.</p><p>"It's... nearly there. But I...I need just a few more minutes", Garcia's breath hitched as she reached out to Morgan who wrapped his arms around her. They essentially needed to witness Reid getting tortured another day to even have a location, never mind reaching him. Hotch nodded and walked out of the room without a word. Rossi followed him out.</p><p>"Aaron?"</p><p>"Dave, you saw him. How...he isn't going to survive another day of that", and just because it was Dave and no one else, Hotch allowed a few tears to drip onto his cheeks. Rossi reached out and slid his hand up Hotch's neck.</p><p>"We'll get him Aaron. He will survive. No one's resting until we do". Hotch nodded as he accepted a tissue from Rossi. They waited for a few more minutes in silence before making their way in.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments appreciated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the comments and kudos guys. You all are warming my heart. I thought about prolonging the whole torture thing but I don't want this fic to be excessively long and I want to get to the comfort. </p>
<p>Hope you guys like this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>JJ and Garcia rushed into Hotch's room where him and Rossi were trying to piece together a potential geographical profile while Emily and Derek went over the transcripts for a psychological profile out in the bullpen. They weren't having much success; geographical profiles were always Reid's speciality.</p>
<p>"Garcia thinks she's got something", JJ started out tentatively. Both men immediately snapped up, looking towards them.</p>
<p>"I've been pulling several IP combinations and I think he's somewhere in Nevada. Out all the places the addresses are bouncing off of, the only common places are all in Nevada. Given that we've profiled the need for a large, secluded place and looking over some recurring addresses, I'm pretty sure it's somewhere on the outskirts of Vegas", Garcia spoke out, voice a far way off the usual chirpy banter that followed her on cases.</p>
<p>"Outskirts of Vegas would make sense. A lot of the area is just miles upon miles of open desert", Rossi supplied, face frowning in concentration.</p>
<p>Hotch thought for a few moments before nodding, "Garcia, you're sure about Nevada?" "Yes sir. I'm confident. I wouldn't say so if I wasn't", Garcia replied sincerely.</p>
<p>"I know. Thank you", Hotch replied kindly. "All of us can't go to Nevada. Dave, Morgan, JJ and I will go. Prentiss will stay back and continue with the profile and Garcia continue to see of you can narrow the area further. JJ tell Morgan and Prentiss and inform Vegas PD. I'll call Strauss to get the jet ready. We have less than four days. We don't have time". JJ nodded and hurried out as Garcia returned back to her workspace. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the jet, the air is tense and nervous.</p>
<p>"How long till Brigs...airs again?" Morgan asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>"If he follows his previous pattern, then about five hours", Hotch said seriously. "JJ what did Vegas PD say?"</p>
<p>"They know we're coming. The chief seemed pretty understanding. They've increased petrols in the surrounding areas out in the desert but honestly...."</p>
<p>"This bastard's in a place. And without a location it's almost impossible to get him", Rossi interrupted, frustrated. It seemed no matter what, there was no way for the team to reach Reid in time before Brigs put the camera up again. The others forced themselves to stop thinking about what Reid was possibly going through now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Less than thirty minutes before Brigs should be on again", Morgan said, ignoring the pang in his heart. </p>
<p>Hotch nodded and turned back, "Chief?"</p>
<p>"My men are ready to be on the go. The moment your analyst supplies us with a location, we'll be on the move", he hesitated for a second before continuing, "I should tell you Agent Hotchner, if this guy really is in a secluded area in the outskirts like you're saying, there's a chance it will take a bit for us to actually reach him, even when we do get a location. These places aren't exactly very close".</p>
<p>Hotch nodded seriously before looking towards the others. "We can't give Brigs any indication that we're onto him. We can't risk him moving Reid to another location". He glanced toward the rest of his team, eyes lingering on Morgan for a second longer. W</p>
<p>When Brigs turned up on the screen, Rossi's eyes immediately scanned what was visible of the room for any sign of Reid. "Hello agents. It's day two. I have to admit your performance is rather disappointing. Perhaps Spencer's fate is sealed", Brigs chuckled coldly.</p>
<p>"Where's Dr. Reid", Hotch ground out, face not betraying any attempt at hiding his emotions.</p>
<p>"Oh don't worry. He's right here". Brigs turned the camera and Morgan had to do everything in his power to stop breaking down. Reid entire torso was had so much blood that Hotch was seriously worried that he'd die from sheer blood loss. He was slumped on the floor this time, breaths coming out in short pants. His hair was matted and eyes half closed and fluttering every so often. Brigs ran a finger up and down Reid's cheek pervertedly, making Morgan ball his fists tightly and Rossi growl softly. <em>Reid didn't have much time.</em></p>
<p>"Very well then agents. The game continues". And just like earlier, before anyone could react, the screen shut off.</p>
<p>The moment the screen went blank, JJ rushed in, "Garcia's got a location. It's a large, unregistered property about 15 kilometres out".</p>
<p>"Inform the chief. We need to take the paramedics with us. Morgan, Dave", Hotch said urgently, looking towards the other two men. </p>
<p>Within five minutes, an ambulance, a police unit and Hotch, Rossi and Morgan were on their way. 15 kilometres wasn't a very short distance, even on open road and they didn't know enough about Brigs to be sure about what they would need. Morgan felt sick as they pulled up to the property. It was way off any main highway and right out in the desert. Reid could be....Reid could be <em>screaming</em> his life out and no one would be able to hear. Hell, the occasional truck that did pass by likely didn't assume anything.</p>
<p>"Morgan, take two officers with you and take the back. Dave and I will take the front", Hotch instructed the moment they pulled up. Morgan nodded and holstered his gun and flashlight and jogged off to the back while Hotch and Rossi went the opposite way.</p>
<p>Inside, it was....eerily normal. A living room with a TV and a couch, a small dining table, a bedroom and a small kitchenette. It could be passed off as an apartment of every college student ever. But the average college student doesn't have an apartment in the Vegas desert in the middle of nowhere. As Morgan cleared the back of the house and went over to the check the seemingly random trailer beside the apartment, Rossi called Hotch's attention to the basement. <em>Houses like these don't usually have basements</em>. Everything about this place was wrong. The location, the design, the emptiness.</p>
<p>The first thing to hit Rossi as he walked down the stairs into the pit was the near pitch black darkness and the overwhelming smell of poorly oxygenated air. Calling the place a basement was a stretch, it was more of a literal dungeon. It was so dark that at a cursory of hastily moving his flashlight over the large space, he missed the body slumped in the corner. He nearly cursed out loud, convinced that Brigs had figured out they were onto him and has either moved to a different location or, worse, had killed Reid. If it wasn't for his FBI regulation mandating that he check over the space a second time, he would have completely missed Reid. But Reid was there, slumped over a chair, seemingly unaware of the people. A tripod was less than a metre from where he lay.</p>
<p>As Rossi ran across the room to Reid, he actually prayed that he was till alive.</p>
<p>
  <em>Reid had to be okay. Reid, please be okay. </em>
</p>
<p>He crouched down and placed a finger on Reid's neck, creating a half sob, half laugh like sound in relief when he found a pulse. He heard Hotch clear the rest of the space. Without even glancing back he ordered, "Hotch, call the paramedics. Tell them to hurry. He's got a pulse, but he's bad". He reached down and gently cupped the side of Reid's face. "Hey Piccolo", he called out softly. "Open your eyes for me kid". Rossi gave out another wounded sound in relief as Reid slowly fluttered his eyes open. "There you go. You're doing great kiddo. Just keep your eyes open for me. Help is on the way. Just a few more minutes".</p>
<p>"...ossi?", Reid whispered out, exhaling more air than saying anything.</p>
<p>"Yeah kiddo. It's me. It's okay. Don't talk. You're safe now".</p>
<p>"F..found...me", Reid whispered out again, soft enough that even Rossi could barely hear.</p>
<p>"Ofcourse we found you. We were always going to find you. You're safe now", he interrupted as he saw Reid opening his mouth again. "Shh. Don't talk now. Just breathe and keep your eyes open". He heard the paramedics enter in the background. "There you see, the paramedics are here. You're going to be fine". </p>
<p>Rossi promptly, albeit reluctantly moved out of the way as the paramedics took over. They worked quickly, setting up an overhead light to assess the damage. Rossi inhaled sharply as he took in the full extent of the damage and the look that the two paramedics shared that he had seen enough times to know it wasn't good. Satisfied, they maneuvered him onto the stretcher and wheeled him out. </p>
<p>Outside Hotch is waiting with Morgan. Brigs seems to have been caught and is currently in the hold of Morgan who's holding him none too gently.</p>
<p>"Looks like you did win afterall, didn't you Agent Hotchner?", Brigs smirked mirthlessy. "Shut up", Morgan shouted out.</p>
<p>"Oh Agent Morgan. Wouldn't you like to know what I did to your pretty boy?"</p>
<p>"Get him out of here!", Hotch shouted out to one of the officers who yanked him out of Morgan's hold roughly.</p>
<p>Hotch noticed Rossi's slightly dazed look. "Dave", he waited till Rossi turned his face, "You okay?" he asked gently.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I just...it's not good Aaron. I've seen enough to know it's not good". Hotch stayed silent. There wasn't much he could say. The paramedics were finally transferring him into the ambulance. "Can I ride with him", Rossi questioned, turning towards Hotch.</p>
<p>Hotch nodded. "Ofcourse. Morgan and I'll meet you in the hospital". Dave nodded and hurried off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"He's very lucky".</p><p>The doctor saw the four agents in the room physically sagged in relief and paused for a moment before continuing. "There was quite a bit of blood loss but we've done a few transfusions and his body is stable now. Miraculously, somehow no bones were broken and majority of the lacerations, although deep, were uninfected. His upper body and back will take some time to heal completely but I do expect him to make a full physical recovery".</p><p>"When can we see him?" JJ asked, wiping her eyes.</p><p>"The sedative should be wearing off in about an hour. He should wake up soon after.</p><p>"Uh..Dr.." Hotch questioned.</p><p>"Reynolds"</p><p>"Dr. Reynolds. I'm his medical proxy. Could I have a word with you?"</p><p>"Ofcourse. You all are free to wait in Dr Reid's room if you'd like", the doctor replied, looking at the others. As the others made their way to Reid's room, Hotch waited outside until everyone was inside.</p><p>"So Reid will be okay?", he asked, a little hesitantly.</p><p>"Physically yes". Neither needed to elaborate the need for constant use of the term physically. Hotch hesitated before asking, almost as of he was scared to know the answer, "Was there any...any... sexual assault?"</p><p>The doctor's face was grim and she paused briefly before answering, "It's difficult to determine. There was no semen but there was significant tearing and bruising in the genital area. But given the extent of physical damage throughout the whole body, it isn't possible to conclude whether the damage in the groin area was specifically sue to sexual assault". Hotch nodded stiffly. He had guessed as much. He had been hoping to avoid asking Reid himself. The doctor continued, "Agent Hotchner, I don't need to tell you about the psychological effects of Dr Reid's ordeal I'm sure. I would strongly recommend he have some form of support. Does he live alone?"</p><p>"For the moment he does. But there are several people, including me, who are more than willing to stay with him if it will help Dr Reid's recovery".</p><p>"That would be best. Living with someone familiar would help recovery be smoother. But I don't need to tell you that it will be a difficult journey".</p><p>Hotch nodded thoughtfully. "When will it be okay for him to fly?"</p><p>"He should be waking up by noon. If his vitals are stable then I'm willing to discharge him by tonight. I'm guessing he isn't very fond of hospitals".</p><p>Hotch gave a small smile, "He isn't. Thank you for everything".</p><p>"Ofcourse. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything". </p><p> </p><p>Rossi had somehow managed to convince Morgan and JJ to go to the hotel to rest for a few hours. Hotch was the only one in the room when Reid started waking up. He gave him some time as he saw his eyes open.</p><p>"Spencer", he called out softly after a few minutes, not wanting to startle him.</p><p>"Hotch?", Reid whispered out.</p><p>"Yes Spencer. It's me. How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Tired. When can I go?"</p><p>Hotch frowned. "You can be discharged in a few hours. We'll all take the jet tonight". Reid started shifting a little.</p><p>"You want me to call a nurse?"</p><p>"No". The sharpness in the command startled Hotch.  "I'm fine. Can't I go now?"</p><p>"I don't think so Spencer. You need to rest a bit".</p><p>"Hotch please", Reid's voice cracked as he hitched a breath. He sounded so much like a wounded, hurting child that Hotch had to look away for a moment. He reached out and gently placed a hand on Reid's blanket covered arm, relieved when he didn't pull away. "Spencer, listen to me. It's just a few hours more. Rossi's looking at the discharge papers right now. I'm staying right here okay? I'm right here".</p><p>"I want to go home", a few tears unknowingly fell down Reid's cheeks and Hotch had to steady himself at how much Reid reminded him of Jack. <em>A hurting, tortured, abused Jack</em>. "I know Spencer. Just a few more hours, I promise". Hotch took a deep breath before continuing. He tightened his hold on Reid's arm slightly. "Spencer you'll get through this. I promise. You have us. You'll get through this".</p><p>Reid didn't reply anything to that. He wiped his cheeks and said, "I just want to go home". </p><p> </p><p> With just the three of them entering, the jet felt abnormally large to Reid.</p><p>"JJ and Morgan are driving in from the hotel. They're stuck in a bit of traffic so they're running a little late", Hotch called out, more to Rossi than to Reid. Reid wasn't really listening anyway. The ordeal was catching up to him and every jolt of pain and discomfort that came with any sort of movement was transporting him back to Brigs' basement. He turned to make his way to the back of the jet till a warm hand gripped his shoulder gently.</p><p>"Here", Rossi said, gently pushing him to the window seat, adjacent to where Hotch is sitting. Rossi isn't quite outright ordering him, but there's something in the tone that doesn't invite protest. Honestly, Reid feels a little like a child, being physically maneuvered by Rossi. But he can't deny that Rossi's touch is grounding. Having a physical contact that he knows isn't about to hurt him is a great deal of comfort. Hotch avoids the usual paperwork that comes with cases that has become a familiar sight on the jet when returning back to DC.</p><p>"You okay?" he asks when he sees Reid pause with a dazed look in his eyes.</p><p>"Yeah", comes a raspy reply. Hotch isn't convinced but he let's it pass. He takes a guess at what could be the issue. "You want the aile seat?" But Reid shakes his head and moves in to the window seat, buckling the seatbelt and turning his head towards the window. Rossi takes the seat beside him a few moments later, giving him a comforting smile which Reid poorly attempts to return.</p><p>JJ and Morgan come in about five minutes later and Morgan immediate makes his way towards Reid.</p><p>"Hey kid", he starts out, a little unsurely. "How you doing?"</p><p>Reid tries to smile but he's sure he fails but replies nonetheless, "I'm okay".</p><p>Morgan looks like he wants to ask something further but JJ comes up.</p><p>"Spence", her voice has that warm tone that Reid has come to love. She reaches out and places a hand briefly on his arm, pretending that when she takes it off it isn't becaus of the slight flinch Reid gave. "I'm okay. Really", Reid tries to convince, himself or the others he isn't sure. JJ nods. She wants to give him a hug but she isn't sure if that's the best thing. </p><p>Hotch comes out of the cockpit. "We're about to take off".</p><p>JJ and Morgan take the two seats opposite Hotch, Rossi and Reid. Reid seemed to marginally relax once they took off and dozed off within ten minutes.</p><p>Morgan caught up to Hotch neat the coffee machine. "So really. How is he?"</p><p>Hotch's face is grim. "I'm not sure. Not great. He was crying in the hospital".</p><p>"I don't think anyone will be okay after what he went through". </p><p>Hotch nods. "He'll need to stay with someone for the next few months. My guess is Rossi will want to take him in".</p><p>Morgan nods and asks hesitantly, "But he'll be okay?"</p><p>"Eventually. He has us. We'll make sure he'll be okay", Hotch answers, in what he hopes is a convincing tone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Brigs is fumbling with the button of Reid's pants. Reid is trying to kick him off. It isn't working. Brigs is pressing a burning piece of coal on Reid's arms. The pain is agonising. He's screaming his throat raw.</em>
</p><p>Reid jerks up with a yelp. He looks around frantically. He's on... <em>the jet</em>? Rossi's face is the closest to him. "You're here. You're okay". He looks up gingerly to see Hotch's face frowning in concern. He thinks he can make out JJ's and Morgan's faces too but he's too in his head to be sure.</p><p>Reid wants to say he's okay. But he can't. He isn't okay. He can't speak. He feels like he can't breathe. There's an overwhelming pressure building up in his chest. His brain knows he's safe but he can't shake the raw fear, the <em>agony</em>, of being inside Brigs' basement. A part of him is still there. He thinks a part of him will always be there.</p><p>A few tears spill out of his eyes involuntarily which he hastily wipes away. <em>He's such a damned mess!</em> He isn't even there. A soft sob escapes his lips and he can feel an onslaught of tears coming. He leans down, almost hugging his hands around his torso to stem an inevitable breakdown.</p><p>Rossi looks towards Morgan and JJ who themselves look like they're going to breakdown looking at Reid's desperate attempt to stop falling apart. He looks towards Hotch, a silent acknowledgement passing between the two of them before he commits to his next course of action. </p><p>Rossi shifts his body so he's facing Reid. He reaches forward and pushes Reid's upper body upright gently and pulls the kid close to him, hugging him from behind so Reid is completely leaning onto Rossi on his back. "It's okay. Let it out kiddo. I've got you. You're safe. It's okay". Rossi continues gently murmuring comforts for a good five minutes before Reid finally gives in, turning his face so it's buried in Rossi's shirt and finally collapsing in tears.</p><p>Reid cries quietly, the occasional sob making its way out. It lasts for barely a few minutes but it feels like hours and when he cries himself out, he feels his eyes drooping. Rossi shifts his body gently so it's straightened out and Reid's almost entire upper body is on Rossi's lap. </p><p>Rossi's running his fingers through the kid's hair absentmindedly. He looks up to see Morgan's worried face and JJ's teary eyes. He gives a tired but reassuring smile. "You guys rest too. He'll be okay". Morgan nods and gently tugs JJ back to her seat.</p><p>"I'm taking him home with me", he says softly to Hotch. </p><p>Hotch nods. "I had guessed. Don't worry about the paperwork. I'll sort it out with Strauss. I want you to know that there's always a bedroom available in my house too". Rossi nods.</p><p>"He's going to need a lot of support to get through this. The kid's self esteem and mental health isn't the best in the best of times". He sighs and looks down to Reid's face.</p><p>The tear stains are still clearly visible on his cheeks.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys for the kudos and comments. You guys are the best.<br/>I had initially considered not including Jack and Haley in this story but then thought Jack might be an interesting addition. Still not sure what I'll do with Haley.<br/>I also think I messed up the tenses in this chapter.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the comments and a 100 kudos!! You guys are the best.</p><p>Hope you like this chapter. It ends a little abruptly but I didn't know how else to finish it. I hope I got the flashback parts right. Also this chapter's shorter than the others:// My next update will take a bit so I hope you enjoy this. </p><p>TW for implied assault, torture and references to self harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rossi shifts slightly, angling Reid's body out straighter so the kid isn't so hunched up but it doesn't seem to help. Reid seems to subconsciously hug his knees to his chest, in an almost fetal like position; it's like he's trying to shield himself, from the pain, the hurt, the fear. Perhaps he is. He looks down at Reid; tear stains and puffy eyes make it puffy eyes make it pretty easy to deduce the gist of what went down a few hours earlier. Atleast the kid's sleep is relatively calmer, even if likely not nightmare free now.</p><p>JJ comes and take the seat opposit them, her eyes red. Rossi smiles warmly at her.</p><p>"You okay?", he enquiries gently.</p><p>She nods. "You think he'll be okay?"</p><p>Rossi doesn't answer for a few seconds. "Eventually. For now, he just needs to survive and cope". </p><p>JJ doesn't say anything to that. She just reaches out and gently runs a finger over his furrowed brow. Rossi smiles at the intimate gesture. Had circumstances been been better, he'd have gently teased her about it, about how the team often joked about her and Reid. He had on more than one occasion thought if anything beyond platonic between the two of them existed but he doubted it. He was pretty sure she had a thing going with that police detective they had worked with last year and Reid never gave any indication of anything remotely romantic about the two of them.</p><p>"You too are close", Rossi makes sure to keep his tone light. It's a more of an observation than a question, but he ensures to keep open an invitation for a response. </p><p>JJ smiles wistfully, eyes still on Reid, "Spence is my best friend. I just...it hurts to see him suffering".</p><p>Rossi sighs and reaches over to gently rub her arm in reassurance. "There's still more than an hour till we land. Try to get some shut eye". JJ nods and gets up, giving Reid's arm one last squeeze and a greatful smile to Rossi.</p><p> </p><p>They're about twenty minutes from touching ground and the jet has just begun descending when Reid wakes up with a start, almost jumping up. Rossi and Hotch, neither of whom were sleeping deeply, immediately snap open their eyes at the movement. Reid looks confused. His eyes are a little glazed and he's breathing heavily. He's obviously just snapped out of a nightmare.</p><p>"You okay?" Hotch asks gently after a few moments, trying to ensure he doesn't startle Reid. Reid doesn't seem to register the question. He's still glancing around. He can make out Rossi beside him, face schooled into a concerned expression. "You're on the jet. You're safe", Hotch assists after a few more seconds. Reid frowns, balling his fists too tightly. <em>The jet. Yes. He's on the jet</em>. He can feel the hammering in his heart starting to slow a little.</p><p>"Where are the others?" he asks groggily, ignoring Hotch's question. Hotch frowns and exchanges a concerned look with Rossi before turning back to Reid. The doctor didn't mention anything about retrograde amnesia and even then, he's not sure if Reid is enquiring about just JJ and Morgan or about the rest of the team.</p><p>"JJ and Morgan are right at the back, see", Hotch replies, pointing to where Morgan lay with his headphones with JJ sitting opposite him. Following his instinct, he continues, "Prentiss and Garcia are back in DC". Reid gives a slight nod but he doesn't relax in any way. His breathing has slowed but he's still balling his fists tight and his face is still tense so Hotch continues, "They're all safe too. See, Morgan and JJ are right there", he pauses as Reid peeks up a little, "and I just talked to Garcia and Prentiss to tell them we'll land soon". That was actually a lie. He hadn't talked to them. But if it reassured Reid, it was a lie he was willing to take on his conscience.</p><p>Reid nods and tries to take a deep breath to calm himself. He feels a gentle touch on his shoulders to see Rossi leaning in front of him. "Bad dream?" he enquires gently. Reid's bottom lip wobbles just a little before he unsurely nods his head once. The grip on his shoulder tightens comfortingly. "You want to talk about it?", Rossi continues. Reid immediately shakes his head. "Okay. You don't have to. We'll land soon. You want to shut your eyes again?" Reid shakes his head again.</p><p>"I'm coming from the washroom", he replies, speaking for the first time, voice almost acrid. He's up and making on his way before either Hotch and Rossi can say anything, the lock of the door clicking a second later. </p><p>Reid faces himself on the mirror. He looks terrible. His eyes are red, his face is puffy. The embarrassment of having a breakdown in front of his colleagues, his <em>friends</em>, is creeping back to him. <em>He's such an absolute mess!</em> He feels tears pricking his eyes again. He roughly wipes them away. <em>Stop being a baby!</em></p><p>
  <em>"I told you not to speak Spencer", Brigs is purring. "Do you like that?" Brigs is opening his pants. He's pulling on Spencer's belt. He's licking Spencer's cheek. He's burning his skin. Spencer is thrashing around. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Stop being a baby Spencer. You're such a freak. God!" Wait. That's not Brigs. </em>
</p><p>The room is blurry. He's getting memories mixed up. He rubs his eyes roughly.</p><p>"Reid?" Reid snaps out of his flashback harshly. He looks around. Right. He's in the washroom. Someone's banging the door.</p><p>"Reid?" <em>Morgan</em>. The voice is a bit more frantic now.</p><p>"Yeah?", Reid winces at how wobbly his voice sounds.</p><p>"You okay? We're gonna land".</p><p>Was he okay?</p><p>He swallows to steady his voice. "Yeah. Just a minute". Why are his arms itchy? He looks down at <em>his hands and his eyes widen slightly. He'd scratched on his hands till they'd bled. Freak.</em> He hastily wipes at the blood, wincing at the pain and pulls his sleeves down. He pushes his hair back and rinses his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>He was okay. He wasn't a baby. He wasn't a freak. He wasn't weak. He was okay. </em>
</p><p>He opened the door to see Morgan waiting, giving him a pointed look. "All good?" Morgan asks. Reid nods. It's clear Morgan doesn't believe him but he doesn't press. "We're landing", Morgan announces, gently gripping Reid's shoulder and steering him to his seat. He tries to flash the others a reassuring smile but going by the others' expressions, it's clear he fails.</p><p>Reid tries to ignore the pointed expression Rossi is throwing at him. His arms are burning slightly but he doesn't dare attract any attention to them. "You'll stay with me for a month or two", Rossi says as the jet touches ground. His tone isn't harsh but it doesn't invite any protest. Reid doesn't say anything. He bites the inside of his bottom lip, so hard, that he can taste the tang of blood.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys firstly, I'm so sorry for the long wait. A lot of stuff has been going on and I'm having a really difficult time writing anything at all. Hopefully I get my groove back soon. For the moment, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm not too happy with it and it almost feels like a filler chapter to me but maybe you guys like it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the jet touched the ground, Hotch and Rossi were both trying to plan how the next few months would go. Reid may not have completely rejected the idea of living with Rossi for now, but he would put up a fight eventually.</p><p>"You doing okay?" Hotch asks gently, turning towards Reid. All he gets is a nod in response. "We're gonna stop at the BAU for a bit while Rossi hands in some urgent paperwork. Morgan will go over and pick some stuff up from your apartment", Hotch continued. Reid just gives a slight shrug in response. Hotch frowned. Reid had yet to say anything and he wasn't sure if it was exhaustion, trauma or a combination of both. "You mind waiting in the bullpen for some time? It won't take long". Reid face contorts slightly before turning towards Morgan and pointing at him. Hotch's worry heightened. Is this some sort of non verbal phase due to the trauma? He decided not to fixate on it for now. It was late and no one was in the position to have that conversation now. He decided to follow along. "You want to go with Morgan to pick your stuff up?" He asked, taking an educated guess at what Reid wanted. He gets another nod in response. "Okay. Sure. I'll go tell him. Wait here. I'll tell Rossi to wait". Silence. Hotch states at Reid intently for a moment before asking again. "Do you want to meet Emily and Garcia before you go?" Reid doesn't say anything but he does look up, an almost stricken expression on his face and vulnerable eyes, and for a moment Hotch sees how broken the kid in front of him is and his heart breaks a little. He swallows before adding, "You don't have to if you don't want to. They'll understand. I promise". Reid's face relaxes and he even tries to pass a small smile of gratitude, albeit failing, before nodding. Hotch smiles kindly and nods as he walks off to talk to the others.</p><p>"So what'd the kid say?" Morgan asked as Hotch walked up to him.</p><p>"I need to talk to you. Get Dave", Hotch said ignoring the question. Morgan frowns but nods as walks off to find Rossi. Hotch sighed as he ran a hand over his face. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, guilt and overwhelming worry were finally catching up to him and he felt like collapsing. He still had to talk to Garcia and Emily and while Emily would understand, Garcia would be heartbroken. He hated doing so but he passed the task onto JJ. He still needed to explain the situation with Reid to Morgan and Rossi and JJ would be better with Penelope any way. He shot JJ a quick text, perhaps too brief given the severity of the situation but JJ had seen Reid. She'd understand.</p><p>
  <em>Reid isn't quite upto meeting Prentiss and Garcia tonight. He's going with Morgan to get his stuff from his appartment and then Rossi will take him. Talk to Prentiss and Garcia?</em>
</p><p>The text feels almost too dismissive in a way but he never has to worry about technicalities with JJ. He gets a reply back almost immediately.</p><p>
  <em>Ofcourse. Is everything okay?</em>
</p><p>Hotch briefly considers telling her about Reid's unwillingness to talk but refrains from it. They would just panic and he still didn't know if it was a just a temporary phase or a bigger issue. </p><p>
  <em>As okay as it can be. He's overwhelmed and needs to sleep. Don't worry. </em>
</p><p>He's not sure of JJ believes him but she responds back with an affirmative. Hotch sees Morgan and a tired looking Rossi enter his office.</p><p>"Okay what's going on?" Morgan questions almost immediately. There's no easy way to say this so Hotch devises there's no point in stalling.</p><p>"Reid won't talk", he sighs.</p><p>"What do you mean he won't talk?" Morgan barks out. It's not a tone Morgan would typically ever use with Hotch but this is no normal situation so Hotch lets it go. Rossi is silent but the confusion is evident in his face.</p><p>"He just won't talk. He's responding but he won't speak", looking at the wide eyes of Morgan and the worried face of Rossi, Hotch sighs before continuing. "Look I know Reid being non verbal is a scary thing. But for all we know it may be a very short phase. Right now, all he wants and needs is rest. Morgan he wants to go with you to pick stuff from his appartment. Do not pester him to speak".</p><p>"Ofcourse not".</p><p>"I'll wait here. Bring him back here once you're done", Rossi says. Morgan nods and heads out.</p><p>"Mutism isn't exactly uncommon among torture victims", Rossi says softly once Morgan has left the room.</p><p>Hotch sighs and nods with a soft "Yeah".</p><p>They all hated this. Hated thinking of Reid as a victim. Hated thinking about what he'd gone through and hated thinking about what would happen.</p><p> </p><p>Reid had his head buried in his forearms on the table. He looked so much younger, so much like a child, that Morgan had to do a double take seeing him like this. Should he be that surprised? He was very nearly a child. Morgan thought Reid might be sleeping but the kid got up as soon as Morgan entered.</p><p>"You sure you wanna go with me kid? I've been to your appartment before. I know where the things are. You could go back to Rossi's place and rest you know?" Reid frowned slightly at that and shook his head before pointing at Morgan.</p><p>"Okay", Morgan sighed. "Whatever you say. Let's go". </p><p>The fifteen minute ride was tense at best. Morgan was used to Reid's constant chatter in the atmosphere. But late at night, void of Reid's excited babbles, with nearly no cars in the street, the silence was overwhelming. Had situations been different, Morgan would have put on the radio just to cut through the quiet.</p><p>"You doing okay there?" Morgan asks as they pull up to the drive way. Reid nods and without even looking back exits the car before Morgan can press further.</p><p>They make quick work in the appartment. Reid seems to have a clear idea of everything he wants and somehow within ten minutes they're heading back to the car with a few clothes too less and a several books way too many. As they they pull up closer to the BAU parking lot, Morgan decides he has to ask. He reaches out and places a hand on Reid's shoulder. Reid flinches and remains tense for a few moments before relaxing but he doesn't pull away so Morgan continues.</p><p>"Reid", when he doesn't turn his head, Morgan continues "Spencer. Look at me. Please?" As Reid turns his head slowly, Morgan is met with pleading, glassy eyes. "Kid. I want you to know something. I will <em>alway</em> be there for you. Always. There is <em>nothing</em> you can't tell me. I will always pick up your call and drive down to meet you if you need me to. You hear that?" Reid gives a jerky nod in response. "So please. Spencer. If you ever need <em>anything</em>. If you ever need to talk, please tell me you'll ask". Reid's breathing is a bit heavier now and his eyes are downcast but he manages to give a short nod yet again.</p><p>Morgan sighs before asking, "Kid. Can I...Can I hug you?" Reid's head snaps up at that and for a second his face is enveloped in a disbelieving look, as of the idea of anyone <em>wanting</em> to hug Reid is shocking. The expression alone is enough to make Morgan misty eyed. </p><p>Reid stays still for several seconds. But then slowly, hesitantly, he leans towards Morgan who reciprocates by inching closer, trying not to overwhelm him. Reid doesn't exactly hug Morgan and it's pretty clear he doesn't quite want to be wrapped around in Morgan's arms either. But he does rest his head on Morgan's shoulder for a minute and allows Morgan to ran a hand through his brown locks before pulling away. It's nothing close to a hug, but it is something and for now, that something would have to do. Reid gives Morgan a small smile and raises his hand in a wave before going out the car and walking towards Rossi who's waiting there, leaning against his car.</p><p>Morgan feels like he'll break down crying. This was his best friend, his bother and he felt helpless as he surrendered to the world</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just wanted to firstly say that I promise you I've been reading your comments and responses. I've just been so swamped with work that I haven't had any time to respond to them until yesterday. Incase I haven't responded to you, I'm really sorry. But you guys absolutely keep me going. Thank you so much to everyone who's read this. </p><p>It may seem like this ends a little abruptly but the next chapter will have a lot of angsty fluffiness I think. So I wanted to keep that seperate. I'm not the happiest with just the general flow of the fic tbh. There's too many main characters on CM and I'm finding it hard to give adequate justice to all of them. I know I'm ignoring the girls way too much but I envisioned this fic to be mostly a protective Rossi and Hotch with hurting Reid type thing (am I projecting? Who knows), with Morgan ofcourse. </p><p>That being said. I want this fic to be flexible. So I want to know from you guys what you think. What's a potential plot point you think will go with the sort that you'd like to see. If I do end up picking one, I'll definitely give credit. I'm still contemplating the existence of Haley and Savannah in this. So go crazy in the comments and let me know what's something you would like to see.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rossi thought the first week into living with Reid had gone well. <em>Way too well</em>. And as much as Rossi tries to adhere to the moratorium on inter team profiling, Reid really wasn't just a team member at this point. And more importantly, <em>something's off</em>. He can't quite put a finger on it. But something's not right. He's not even sure if it has anything to do with the kid. Reid's non verbal phase wasn't completely permanent but he's a lot quieter. But other than that no one would know anything has happened. Rossi's never been woken up at night and never has had to wake Reid up from some unimaginable night horrors the last week he's been staying there. But Rossi isn't stupid. If Reid's breakdown on the jet was anything to go by, the kid's hiding a lot of things. He's sure he's seen him exit the bathroom a couple times with eyes too red to account for a shower. Rossi has to do everything in him to hold the kid and shake him till he answers what's wrong.</p><p> </p><p>The nightmares started two nights into moving in with Rossi. The first night, he actually slept, the second he didn't sleep much but he didn't have a nightmare either. The third night however, the third night is when Reid realised something's wrong. He doesn't even remember the nightmare properly. But the hazy manifestations of trying to desperately pry away hands and feet from his body and the intense sensations of pain were enough to for him to know it wasn't okay, and it sure as hell wasn't normal. Still, it could have been a one off episode.</p><p>Except it wasn't.</p><p>He has another nightmare the day after, and the day after and the day after. It isn't isn't even always about Brigs and his torture. It is often. But not always. Sometimes it's about trying to protect himself from William, sometimes it's even about those damned football kids tying him up. <em>Sometimes it's even about Gideon.</em> It wasn't even just nightmares anymore. One time, he'd sat down with a book (after Hotch and Rossi's stern insistence at taking time off work) and there was a scene about a captor or something like that and Reid found himself whipped back to Brigs' basement. He must have looked it too because it took Rossi calling his name out loudly a couple times for him to ground back to reality. After incorrectly reassuring that he was fine, the older man looked at him a bit funny, but dropped it.</p><p>Reid was grateful to Rossi that way. He allowed his healing to go at its own pace and didn't force him to open up or anything. Although Reid was sure he wasn't really healing honestly. He was going a bit crazy infact, he was sure. But Rossi didn't need to know that. Neither did Hotch, nor Morgan. He still hadn't talked to any of the girls directly. And he felt guilty. But he couldn't impose his mess of a self on more people. </p><p>Reid had taken to spending his nights as far away from Rossi's bedroom as he could. He'd sleep as little as possible and when he had to, he would lock himself in the bathroom as he dry heaved and tried to quieten his sobs. He'd taken to pinching his skin to control the situation and he <em>knew</em>, he'd <em>learnt</em> that it was unhealthy but he couldn't bring it in himself to stop. His forearms were a mess of nail scratches and scabs.</p><p>
  <em>Freak. The others were right. </em>
</p><p>It was a Friday night when things came to a collapse. Morgan and Garcia had come over and Rossi thought the kid was actually happy. He didn't talk much but he smiled and let out a couple chuckles here and there. He let Morgan squeeze his shoulder and even allowed Garcia to envelop him for just a few seconds. Reid said he wanted to turn in early once the two left and skipped dinner, not something Rossi was comfortable with but he let it be.</p><p>The clock by Rossi's bedside showed 2 37 AM when he was woken up. He looked around, trying to rub away the sleep from his eyes. He wasn't sure what had woken him up but for some reason he felt his gut twist. He got up and made his way to the main area, intending to drink a cup of tea if nothing more. The twist in his gut intensified as he saw Reid's bedroom empty. He subconsciously quickened his pace, checking to see if Reid was absorbed in a book on a couch as he tended to be late at night.</p><p>He wasn't.</p><p>And then Rossi heard it. </p><p>He wasn't even sure what it was at first. A choked, wounded sound came from behind the bathroom door.</p><p>He tapped against the door lightly, "Reid?"</p><p>It was quiet for several moments, "...yeah?" Reid's voice wasn't unsteady but Rossi knew enough to detect the slight wobble, the desperate attempt to keep emotions at bay.</p><p>"Reid what's wrong?" Rossi wasn't sure why but he felt a pinch of uneasy urgency in him. Something was obviously very wrong.</p><p>"Nothing's wrong", the last word was stretched out and Reid's breath imperceptibly hitched. "</p><p>"Reid open the door", Rossi chastised himself as soon as the words came out. His tone was a lot harsher than he had meant it to be but honestly, his uneasiness at not being able to see Reid was through the roof at this point.</p><p>"Nothing's wr-wrong", a wounded sound followed, something in between a cough and a sob.</p><p>"Reid, open the door", he softened his tone but the hint of authority in his voice was strong.</p><p>"No. Please", Reid staright out denied this time, voice hitching as he pleaded.</p><p>Rossi changed tactics, "Spencer? Spencer listen to me. It's okay. Open the door".</p><p>An unmistakable sob followed by a heave came out at that. "Why did you have to see?" </p><p>Rossi felt his stomach turn. <em>This</em> is what's been off. Reid was obviously not fine. He'd just hidden it really well. <em>Probably had been for his whole life</em>. Rossi would have let the guilt consume him had the urgency of the situation not beared him down.</p><p>"Reid, have you- have you been locking yourself in the bathroom every night?" Reid seemed like he would reply but was cutoff by a painful heave and vomiting followed by sobs. Rossi himself was on the verge of calling someone. Even the damned cops if need be. Reid didn't indicate he was suicidal really but at this point he wasn't taking any chances. He contemplated calling Morgan and Hotch but he wasn't sure an audience is what Reid needed now. He had to get this under control.</p><p>"Spencer listen to me. Whatever it is. We'll figure it out. But you need to let me in".</p><p>"Dave you- you shouldn't have seen", another sob cut out.</p><p>"Spencer. It's okay. Just turn the lock. Everything will be fine. I'll help you. But you need to trust me". Spencer didn't reply anything to that for a few minutes. Rossi kept his mouth shut, hand gripping the handle.</p><p>"You won't come near me?" he asked in a small voice. Rossi felt his eyes sting,</p><p>"Not if you don't want me to. I promise". The soft click of the door felt impeccably loud in the silent of the night and inordinate amounts of relief and anxiety washed through Rossi as he nearly tore through the door, finally entering the bathroom.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also, of you're a regular reader who's been following this since the first chapter, let me know. The support of you guys keeps me going :)</p><p>Do leave feedback.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's kinda short. I'm sorry ://</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reid was huddled in the corner, sweat plastered over his pale face, eyes blank and red. Rossi thought he looked impossibly small for a man his height. The stale air was uncomfortably warm and musty and seemed to immediately make Rossi’s shirt damp. All in all, it was a miserable situation. He hesitantly scooted a little closer to the kid, wanting to keep his distance.</p><p>“You can’t touch me!”, Reid nearly shouted out, sounding almost angry. Rossi raised his hands slightly and immediately took a step back.</p><p>“I won’t, kid. I told you. I promise. I’m just going to sit beside you. Can I do that?” Reid promptly shook his head, almost vigorously and his face captured an emotion so riddled with guilt and apprehension that Rossi’s felt a lump in his throat.</p><p>“But I won’t if you don’t want me to. I promise that. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to”. He just hoped that he was somehow soothing Reid because this reaction was frankly making him, a war veteran and federal agent no stranger to long lasting moments of mental fragility, in simple words, quite freaked out. He tried to set Reid’s mental health aside for just that moment, he needed to ensure his physical health right now. “Do you have temperature?” Reid shook his head at that. Rossi personally would have preferred checking for himself but at this point that was clearly not an option. “You still feel nauseous?” And thankfully, Reid shook his head again at that, though it looked less sure to Rossi. “You think you’re ready to sit outside?” Reid shrugged. “I think that’s what we should do. The carbon dioxide is going to start making us both a bit loopy I think”, Rossi tried to lighten the tension. Reid didn’t react. He just stood slowly and gingerly, although thankfully steadily, made his way out.</p><p> </p><p>Rossi handed Reid a creamed cocoa and sat opposite him with a cup of tea. Not for the first time, Rossi wondered if he was the right person to be doing this right now. Rossi was tactile by nature. He comforted through hugs and gentle touches. That was obviously not what Reid wanted. Reid was yet to say or actually <em>do</em> anything. His hair was still damp and his head was bowed down. He was almost crouching into himself.</p><p>“Reid?” Rossi began cautiously. “We need to talk about this”. It’s almost as if Reid didn’t hear him. Rossi sighed. “Kid you know I can’t leave this as it is. Spencer?” Rossi waited until the younger man looked up for a moment. “Let’s just <em>talk</em>. <em>Please</em>?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Reid croaked out, wincing at the lingering aftertaste of vomit in his mouth.</p><p>“You have nothing to apologise for. But you do need to talk to me”.</p><p>“Shouldn’t let this s’ffect me this much”, Reid spoke finally with a half shrug.</p><p>“What? Your abduction?” Rossi nearly scoffed. “There’s no should or shouldn’t in the aftermath of what you went through. You do whatever it takes for <em>you</em> to feel better”.</p><p>“No…” Reid interrupted. He sounded frustrated and Rossi got the feeling he was misunderstanding a little. “Even when I was <em>little</em>. I always let it t’ffect me too much. Always got too sick”.</p><p>Rossi’s brows furrowed in confusion. “You’ve always felt sick?” Reid nodded slightly at that. “You feel sick right now?” Reid nodded again. Rossi bit his lip, “Are you going to be sick right now?”</p><p>Reid huffed, almost annoyed and Rossi was sure he was getting it wrong now. “No. It’s...It’s in my <em>head</em>” and he gestured his hands around his head. Rossi inhaled sharply. <em>Oh</em>. <strong><em>Oh</em></strong>. <em>Poor, <strong>poor</strong> kid</em>. He was unsure how to proceed. He had assumed he would have to talk about Reid’s ordeal at the hands of Brigs but something else was going on here and Rossi had an inkling a lot of agony could be dug up in Reid’s life.</p><p>“What happened today?”</p><p>Reid was silent for several moments before answering, “I had a nightmare”. He sounded a little unsure though.</p><p>“About Brigs?” Rossi questioned gently. Reid looked up at Rossi and bit his lower lip, like he was trying to make sense of things.</p><p>“I think so? I…I’m not sure”. Reid’s face crumpled a little at that.</p><p>“That’s okay. You want to talk about it?” This time the reaction was immediate. Reid shook his head adamantly and Rossi reassured the kid before he wound himself up again. “Okay. That’s fine. You don’t have to”. Both men were quiet for several minutes.</p><p>Surprisingly, it was Reid who cut through the silence. “I told Gideon. I <em>told</em> Gideon. I knew. I <em>knew</em> I was no good for this. <em>Why didn’t he listen</em>?” He looked up to see Rossi’s confused face.</p><p>“Knew what?”</p><p>“This job. The BAU”.</p><p>Rossi sucked in a breath. “You didn’t want to join the BAU?” Reid didn’t reply anything to that so Rossi continued, trying to keep his tone soothing. “So why did you? Join the BAU, I mean”.</p><p>Reid shrugged absentmindedly. “Gideon asked me to”.</p><p>Rossi frowned. “’Reid did he…did Jason know? About…?” he wasn’t quite sure how to bring up Reid’s mental health.</p><p>Reid scrunched his face slightly, “I think so. I think I told him once when he was my lecturer”.</p><p>Rossi’s own head was reeling with the information. This was very different from what he and he was sure the others, knew about Reid joining the team. <em>What the hell had Gideon thought?</em> “What about now? What do you think about the job now?”</p><p>“I like working with the others <em>now</em>”, Reid replied a little unsurely. Reid’s emphasis on <em>now</em> didn’t go unnoticed by the older profiler.</p><p>Rossi smiled kindly, “That’s good. You’re good at your job. Don’t ever doubt that for a moment”.</p><p>“I think I want to go back to sleep now”, Reid announced suddenly. He rubbed at his eyes, making the kid look so much younger than he already was.</p><p>“Good. You need sleep. Morgan will come down in the morning for a few hours. I’ve got some things to do. Is that okay?” Any other time, Reid would have been annoyed at the insinuation of having to be what he thought, babysat. But sleep really did seem to be catching up to him so he rubbed his eyes again and just nodded.</p><p>Once Reid had gone back to his room, Rossi shot Hotch a text: <em>Call me when you get this. Need to talk</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I initially didn't think about adding a slightly Gideon bashing arc but I thought it might be interesting.<br/>I want to delve a bit more on Spencer's past in general so I thought this could be a good setting ground for that. </p><p>I'm still open to potential plot lines. So if there's a particular plotline you think could work well with this and would like to see it then please tell me. I'm always open to suggestion. </p><p>And please do leave feedback. I live off of it. I'd love to know what you guys thought. And to all who've followed this story from chapter 1, say so in the comments. I love you guys so much. </p><p>I hope you like this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally presenting an update with a crappy chapter. Honestly, I hate this chapter so much. I feel like it's a filler at best and poorly written plot set up at worst.<br/>But I did set up some premise to Gideon's arrival (maybe) so hopefully it's still readable. I'm really looking forward to delving into Reid childhood more. I thought about it a lot before finally deciding to include a divorced Hayley and Hotch.</p><p>Hopefully, you guys like it.</p><p>TW for minor self harm (standing under hot water)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Morgan had known Reid for almost two years now. That isn’t a terribly long time, he knows that and Morgan will be the first one to say he found the kid annoying at first. Too young, too excited, too eager. But ofcourse, the kid grew on him. Within the first month, the kid grew on him. He knows Reid hates being “babied”, as he puts it. And he tries not to, really. Morgan tries his hardest to treat Reid just like a colleague but the truth is that it’s almost impossible. Reid wasn’t just his best friend, he was his little brother. And older brothers protected their younger brothers. He usually adhered to the moratorium on inter team profiling but Reid was too good at denying himself happiness and bit by bit over the course of two years, he was able to steal brief glances into how truly hurt, how truly broken the young man is. He knows he isn’t the only one. He knows that neither Hotch, nor Rossi, nor Gideon when he was there, nor anyone else on the team missed the way Reid often tried to hide a flinch when we saw someone moving a little too fast, or how his sleepless nights were a lot more than just insomnia or how quiet he became when dealing with cases involving children. Morgan would’ve liked Reid to one day just confide in him. Just tell him how hard it truly was growing in the circumstances he did. But really, all he truly wished for was Reid to have an outlet and if that outlet was Gideon, then he was fine with it. </p><p>But then Gideon left, leaving just a note and it was all Morgan could do to not follow him and punch the man. But he put that aside and tried to focus on Reid. But Reid shut down and he wouldn’t open up. Then he got tortured and abducted and Morgan allowed himself to breakdown in the washroom after witnessing one of Brigs’ live streams. And then they found him and Reid just…wasn’t Reid anymore, probably would never be. He saw him cry only once in the jet and that night he stopped talking and barely allowed Morgan to even touch him. </p><p>So really, all he wanted was Reid to heal, and not just from his abduction. </p><p>So when Rossi called him at 2 o’ clock at night asking if was willing to spend the morning with Reid, Morgan was more than willing. He’d asked Rossi several times but the older man had remained stubbornly tight lipped and Morgan begrudgingly accepted the integrity. </p><p>So that’s where all that got him, drinking coffee at 8 in the morning in Rossi’s dining hall, thinking about the kid hopefully sleeping in the bedroom and Rossi’s curious urgency to meet Hotch. He had a sudden gut feeling to walk up to Reid and see him. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <em>He won’t cry. Do not cry Spencer.  He was starting to feel the blood drop down his back. His pants were unbuttoned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It seems your team doesn’t care enough to be here, Spencer”, Brigs smirked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Spencer wants to say that’s not true. That he knows better. But he’s in too much pain to speak and he’s too scared, too hurting and too cold to argue. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just wants it all to be over. He wants to sleep. He wants to rest. He wants to stop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wants Derek, he wants Hotch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wants Gideon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wants his mom. He wants his dad to not leave. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They’re all gone. Where are they? Where are they? Where are they? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where is he? So dark. So cold. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His back hurts. His legs hurt. His arms hurt. His mind hurts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is crying now? Is Brigs calling his name?</em>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“Spencer!”</p><p>Reid woke up with a start to Morgan shaking him gently, firmly gripping his shoulder. </p><p>“De—rek?” Reid winced at how raw his throat felt. Was he screaming?</p><p>Morgan had worry etched all over his face. “I came up to see you were having a nightmare”.</p><p>“Oh”.</p><p>“You wanna talk about it, kid?”</p><p>Reid adamantly shook his head at that, just as he had done to Rossi’s question just a few hours back. “I’m going to go take a shower”, he said unexpectedly and immediately twisted out of the bed and shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving a concerned Morgan. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Reid knew the water was too hot. It scalded his skin and would leave it red and burning for a few days. But he couldn’t bring it to himself to adjust the temperature. The pain somehow grounded him, made him realise he was still there and somehow, still alive. He stood under the steam till his body could no longer take it, relishing the heat. He bit his lip hard and stared down at his arms, now a mass of scratches and scabs. He never actively harmed himself, they nearly always done when he was in a flashback or trying to control an oncoming panic attack. It wasn’t like the back when he was nine…</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Morgan was absentmindedly turning the pages of a real estate magazine when he took notice to Reid entering the room, steam still curling around his sides. </p><p>“Where’s Rossi?” Reid asked, loading his cup of coffee with an unhealthy amount of sugar.</p><p>“Hotch had something to do with him I think”.</p><p>Reid looked up, frowning, “Why? Do we have a case?”</p><p>“If we had a case I’m sure they would have told us”, Morgan replied kindly. </p><p>“Hmm”</p><p>“Reid did…” Morgan swallowed before continuing. ”…did something happen last night?”</p><p>“No”. The answer came without a beat, with no hesitation and without eye contact. </p><p>Morgan frowned. “Reid, if-“</p><p>“Derek really”, Reid interrupted, looking up. “I’m good. Nothing happened”. </p><p>Morgan stared straight at Reid for a few minutes, wondering whether or not to push it. “But you’ll tell me if anything happens?”</p><p>Reid smiled, eyes and hidden twitching fingers not revealing anything. “Ofcourse”.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Rossi had known Gideon for more than twenty years. They’d started the unit that became the BAU, dragged it through the years to give the BAU its recognition, revitalised criminal profiling and paved the way for the future generation of agents. But more importantly, beyond the professional accolade, Rossi would consider Gideon his friend. Granted, they didn’t quite keep in touch as much as they would have liked once Rossi retired but their relationship was one that didn’t require constant touch to fall back in rhythm. When Gideon had a breakdown after the Adrian Bale case and a frantic Hotch had called him, it had been more than two years since he’d seen him. But a glass of scotch and Gideon and Rossi were back to chatting like they did when they were thirty. </p><p>So yes, Rossi knew Gideon. </p><p>Rossi knew that Gideon wasn’t selfish. Not at all. Not in the conventional sense atleast. But Gideon had a morbid realism in him. How he was willing to sacrifice bits of himself and others in order to benefit a larger deed and how sometimes it went too far. Rossi knew how Gideon had willingly sacrificed a relationship with Stephen to do his job. Rossi knew how Gideon, in drunk stupor, had once admitted to no longer feeling any sense of shock or dread at the sight of mauled, mutilated, tortured, cut up bodies. </p><p>So Rossi knew that Gideon loved Reid. But he wasn’t sure if he loved Reid for who he was, or if he loved Reid for what he could do for the job. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>Hotch was already showered and dressed for the day when Rossi knocked on his door. He played around with Jack for a little till Hotch came in with two cups of coffee and Jack took off to play. Hotch handed a cup to Rossi and sat opposite him, facing him directly. </p><p>"Jack with you this weekend?" Rossi asked. </p><p>"Yeah", Hotch replied then a bit more wistfully that only Rossi as his friend picked up, "Hayley and I finally signed the papers so we both just want what's best for Jack right now".</p><p>"I'm sorry all this happened Aaron", Dave said softly. </p><p>"Well, it was a long time coming". Hotch grew quiet for a moments before changing the subject. “So”, he said, taking a sip, “what brings you by?” And then more seriously, adds, “Is it Reid?”</p><p>Rossi stayed silent for several minutes. He was still unsure how much to reveal to Hotch and whether he should even bring up his concerns about Gideon. But Hotch had known Reid for longer and had been one of the few constants in his life. And apart from that, Rossi himself wanted to be heard out and Hotch always listened. </p><p>“There was an incident yesterday”.</p><p>Hotch’s face immediately darkened. “Is he okay?” he asked softly. </p><p>Rossi nodded. “Physically, yes. There’s something else going on with the kid”.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“How much do you know about his childhood?”</p><p>Hotch shrugged. “Not much but enough to know it wasn’t easy. Mentally ill mother, eventually deadbeat father”. </p><p>Rossi was quiet again. Eventually Hotch asks, “Dave what’s going on?”</p><p>“I found the kid in the bathroom last night, heaving and crying after a nightmare. Managed to coax him out and got him settled down with a drink and I finally got him talking and….” Dave trailed off. </p><p>“And?”</p><p>“I don’t know. There was <em>something </em>going on. Apart from the trauma from just Brigs”.</p><p>Hotch frowned. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“He started rambling how he had warned Gideon he wouldn’t be able to handle the job and whatnot and I asked him why he joined the BAU and then he just…” Rossi stopped again before continuing, “he just shrugged and said, because Gideon told me to”. He stopped to take another sip of his coffee. “I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking it but-“</p><p>“That doesn’t seem right”, Hotch interrupted. </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I clearly remember Gideon saying Reid had wanted to join the FBI and the Bureau had told Gideon to make sure he was taken in. Which now that I think about it is a little odd. Reid is hardly the first prodigy and the idea that the Bureau actively pressured a 17 year old into a job like this is hard for me to believe. And Gideon just turned up with Reid one day. If discussions truly had been going around for a while, I would have heard atleast <em>something</em>”.</p><p>“There must have been paperwork. Especially with the Bureau hiring a minor”, Dave said. </p><p>“Gideon took care of it. He wanted to be involved with all things Reid and I wasn’t Unit Chief then so I didn’t question it”.</p><p>“Does something smell off about all this to you?” Rossi asked, looking straight at Hotch. </p><p>“Maybe”, Hotch answered, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just confused as to why Gideon would lie. And if he’s lied about this, then what else has he lied about?”</p><p>“Perhaps we should find out. When did you speak to him last?”</p><p>“Been almost a year now I think. Do you want to call him or…?”</p><p>Dave smiled, “You remember the way to his cabin?”</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Do tell me if you think there's a certain plot point that could work in the story. To all my regular and new readers, do leave feedback. I'd love to know what you guys thought.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Why Are Cats So Mean?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you everyone who's read, commented, bookmarked, subscribed and left kudos. You guys are so amazing.  </p><p>For once I was pretty happy with this chapter. I've been putting Spencer through so much crap, he deserves a break, because in real life, recovery is unpredictable. From personal experience, you often have unexpectedly good days in between really hard days. I also promised I would bring the girls in.</p><p>Also just a general question (totally not taking opinions for this fic): What do you guys think of Spemily?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Reid had a good day was exactly six years ago and it elated him. He had the memory etched into his brain, one of the few non agonising reminders of his childhood. He had been back from university on spring break and his mother was coherent and William was out.</p><p>William was out so Spencer’s body hurt less and his heart lurched less and mind jumbled less.</p><p>Diana was coherent so Spencer tensed less and worried less.</p><p>The first day he had a good day, the overwhelming urge to fly away was far more tepid so he convinced himself to stay one day more. Three weeks later when he would return to university, he would meet Jason Gideon and that would change his life for the better and for the worse. Six weeks later, William would leave forever, leaving Spencer relieved and hurt and scared and confused.</p><p>But none of that mattered then. Because <em>that</em> day was a good day.</p><p>Which is why he grew to hate them. Because good days were mere light fractures of dark walls. They were <em>lies</em>. The day after that good day, Diana forgot to take her medicine and had a violent episode and William struck him hard enough that the scar always remained.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>So when Spencer woke up after a nightmare free night, he was nervous and agitated and disbelieving. His life had prepared him for not believing these days and these instances when fate was just a bit kinder to him. But he didn’t think of Brigs and he didn’t think of William and he didn’t think of that football team so he took what he got.</p><p>Reid gets up, presumably not very early as the sun is up and the sounds of the cars have started. He’s not sweating and he’s not shaking and he decides for once that he’ll be able to shower properly. He also hasn’t looked through his phone properly since he’s been at Rossi’s house and hasn’t even talked to the girls yet. He feels a twinge of guilt pass through him thinking about them and goes through the barrage of text messages left.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, Garcia’s are the most outwardly emotive. The familiarity is somehow comforting to Reid and going through her texts is allows Reid to just relish in a moment where he pretends it’s all normal.</p><p>(Garcia to Reid): <em>Boy Genius I had fun Friday evening. I’m baking cookies. Chocolate frosting with chocolate sprinkles, your favourite, I remember. Well my favourite too. </em></p><p>
  <em>(Garcia to Reid): I’ll bring them over sometime</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(Garcia to Reid): Derek says you’re having a hard time and I’m like duh</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(Garcia to Reid): Call me when you’re feeling better. I love my chocolate thunder but I can’t sit and point out all the mistakes in Star Wars with him.</em>
</p><p>An amused snort comes out before Reid can stop himself.</p><p>
  <em>(Reid to Garcia): Thank you for the cookies. I’m doing a bit better now. I will call you soon. Maybe you and Derek could find a movie overlapping both your interests?</em>
</p><p>JJ is next and Reid can almost feel the warm soothing tone come out of the phone.</p><p>
  <em>(JJ to Reid):  Hey Spence. I know you’re having a hard time now. I just want you to know that anytime you need a change of space or anything at all, Will and I always have space here. </em>
</p><p>Reid’s eyes suddenly sting and he feels his heart warm. </p><p>
  <em>(JJ to Reid ): Anytime you’re feeling a bit better, we could all have dinner together?</em>
</p><p>Reid frowns at that.</p><p>
  <em>(Reid to JJ): Thank you for thinking about me. I’m feeling a bit better now. I’m not sure I can do a group dinner though.</em>
</p><p>He goes through Derek’s and Hotch’s texts similarly. Derek tries to cover up the underlying concern with gentle teasing and Hotch just somehow manages to convey his worry without appearing smothering.</p><p>It’s Emily’s text that stumps him though. For starters, she’s just sent one. Not that Reid has an issue with that. But the fact that others have sent one nearly each day and Emily has sent one is enough to make Reid curious. Emily’s always made Reid curious. From her affinity for languages to her guarded childhood, Emily grew on Reid the quickest.</p><p>
  <em>(Emily to Reid): Hi Spencer. I’m not gonna ask how you’re doing cuz that’s dumb. But if you do want to take your mind off things I have a new collection of Tchaikovsky and an entire bookshelf of Tolstoy.</em>
</p><p>Russian literature was the first bonding point between Emily and Spencer. They’d often spend hours talking about the philosophical narrative and cultural realism in War and Peace and Spencer was the one to introduce Emily to Russian music.</p><p>“That’s a smile”. Rossi’s voice snapped Reid out of his bubble. <em>He</em> <em>was</em> <em>smiling?</em></p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You were smiling”, Rossi pointed out, slightly confused.</p><p>“Oh”</p><p>“Who is it?” When Reid looked at him questioningly, he added, “Who are you talking with?"</p><p>“Oh…uh…Emily. She asked if I wanted to go over and read and listen to music”.</p><p>An amused glint passes over Rossi’s face, an expression Reid doesn’t understand. “Aahh”</p><p>“What?” Reid asked, extremely confused now.</p><p>Rossi smiled slightly, “Nothing, nothing. So are you gonna go?”</p><p>“Maybe”, Reid answered, a little wary with Rossi’s behaviour.</p><p>Rossi chuckled. “You should go, kid. I have some work as well”.</p><p>Reid perked up at that. “What work? Do we have a case?”</p><p>“No we don’t. I promise you, if we do, I’ll tell you”.</p><p>“Are you going to Hotch’s?”</p><p>Rossi mentally cursed. The kid was far too smart. “Yes”, he sighed.</p><p>Reid squinted his eyes, looking at Rossi, suspicious, “What are you both doing anyway? Are you consulting on a case?”</p><p>“No we’re not”, he replied truthfully. He wasn’t going to bring up Gideon but he didn’t want to outright lie to Reid either. He looked up to see Reid still staring at him. “Don’t worry about it kiddo. It’s nothing big”.</p><p>Reid continued staring at Rossi, convinced the older man was hiding something but Rossi had busied himself with some non existent paperwork so Reid dropped it. He realised he still hadn’t replied back to Emily.</p><p>
  <em>(Reid to Emily): Thank you for not asking how I’m feeling. Tchaikovsky and Tolstoy sounds great now.</em>
</p><p>Emily responds immediately.</p><p>
  <em>(Emily to Reid): You want to come over? Or if you’re not in the mood for that I can pick up a couple books and come over to Rossi’s.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(Reid to Emily): I need to get out of the house anyway. I’ll be there in an hour?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(Emily to Reid): That sounds great :))</em>
</p><p>“There’s that smile again”, Rossi called out without looking up.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Nothing kiddo”, Rossi laughed. “So you going to Emily’s? Or is she coming here?”</p><p>“I’m going over. I need to get out of the house. Plus she can’t really lug her bookshelf all the way here”.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Walking up to Emily’s apartment Reid tried to run over how many times he’d been here. The place was uncharacteristic of anyone who would read Emily Prentiss’s file. The daughter of a well connected and senior diplomat didn’t always live in an urban apartment. As he rang the doorbell, he took in lack of a name plate or any hanging mail on the door. Reid did always try to respect the moratorium on inter team profiling, but it’s difficult to ever truly turn it off.</p><p>“Hey Spencer”. Emily smiled softly as she opened the door.</p><p>Reid smiled lightly, raising his hand in an awkward wave. He was grateful she didn’t try to hug him.</p><p>“Don’t mind Sergio”, she said, turning her head at the cat laying in the middle of the couch. “He won’t do anything I promise. He’s a friendly cat. Even if that might be hard to believe”.</p><p>“Actually research suggests that despite cats being the only asocial animal humans have successfully domesticated, we haven’t been able to pick up all the signs to successfully interact with them. So it’s essentially our shortcomings that cats have the stereotype of being unfriendly”.</p><p>Emily smiled at him, finding the familiar action of Spencer’s talk comforting. She nods at him, clearly indicating that she’s listening.</p><p>“Although, cats share many of their instincts with that of its pre-domestic ancestors – the desire to hunt, to patrol territory, guarding it from other cats; they are much closer to their old selves than dogs. Our taming of cats has only partly removed them from the wild”, Reid continued on.</p><p>Emily gently pushed him onto the sofa. Reid continued speaking, while she made coffee. He absentmindedly took the cup Emily handed him. She sat on the other end of the couch, trying to make sure to not make him uncomfortable with a lack of space.</p><p>“Well, that would definitely explain why Sergio is only ever affectionate when his food bowl is empty”, she said, eliciting a snort from Reid.</p><p>They both grew quiet, sipping their coffee in companionable silence till Emily spoke up a few minutes later.</p><p>“So I know I said I wouldn’t ask but if you <em>do </em>want to talk, I’m right here”.</p><p>Spencer is quiet for long enough for Emily to think he won’t take up on the offer, but then he angles his body slightly, turning straighter towards her before speaking.</p><p>“I don’t really know how I feel”, he said eventually, looking down into his cup. “I’m always...<em>scared</em> that I’ll find myself back there”. He kept his head down, grateful that Emily wasn’t interrupting. He bit his lip hard, not sure if he should say the next part. “And it’s not just always Brigs you know. There’s…other stuff…from when I was younger and I thought I got over it all but this…it’s brought all those memories back”.</p><p>He looked up to see Emily looking at him sincerely, eyes soft. She scooted a bit closer and placed her hand on Spencer’s, squeezing his fingers gently. Reid have her a sad smile and interlocked her hand with hers tighter, while they sat in silence. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I totally didn't google "why are cats so mean" for Reid's information ramble.<br/>I wanted to bring in an additional angle to Reid's storyline here. I'm not going to promise anything, but I do want to know what you think of this pair?<br/>I'm still working out Gideon's storyline too, so that'll come up soon.<br/>Also I don't know if you've noticed but I've started naming my chapters. </p><p>To all my regular and new readers, do let me know what you guys think.<br/>Stay safe and take care.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Hide & Seek</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>PS: Before reading this chapter, please re read the previous chapter. I edited it. It's nothing major as such but in short, Henry hasn't been born yet. I was having a bit of trouble navigating the ages and all and I realised that if I want to make Spemily, I'll have to appropriately reduce the ages of pretty much everyone other than Rossi and Hotch lol. </p>
<p>So long story short, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not really a planner. I don't do drafts as such so I'm really, really sorry about small inconsistencies. I'm trying to rectify them as I go. I'm STILL working out the whole Gideon plotline. That'll come. And I'm still not sure if I'll make Spemily a thing or not. </p>
<p>So basically, this story is a unplanned mess. That being said, I hope you still enjoy this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For as long as he could remember, Spencer had hidden himself. Even when he was in front of people, he’d hidden himself. He’d hidden how he thought and how he felt. In front of Diana, in front of his highschool English teacher who consistently asked him how he was, in front of his much older college classmates, in front of William in the few occasions he was decent.</p>
<p>But Spencer realised he didn’t have to bother hiding in front of Gideon. Gideon saw what he liked. He didn’t like a less than stellar Spencer, so he never saw a less than stellar Spencer. By the time he joined the BAU, Spencer had become so well versed with the rules of playing hide and seek that he didn’t even have to try anymore. It was tangled so deeply into his personality that it slowly became a part of him.</p>
<p>Until he realised he couldn’t stop</p>
<p>Reid knew it was getting bad. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t rest, he couldn’t…<em>stop</em>.</p>
<p>The morning with Emily had helped. Except that one time she accidently brushed against his waist and he froze and got lurched into a flashback. He’d passed it off and said he was okay, pretty sure she didn’t believe him but thankfully she didn’t press.</p>
<p>Rossi was starting to mention a therapist but the thought of someone <em>else</em> profiling <em>him</em> frankly scared him. He knew Rossi was noticing things and the soft concerned glances he threw at him every time was unbearable for Reid. Hotch and Morgan were noticing too, Hotch more restrained in his concern and Morgan more overt.</p>
<p>Reid had brought up joining back on the field but Hotch had kindly informed him of the mandated minimum ten therapy sessions and a psych eval.</p>
<p>Reid didn’t push. He knew he shouldn’t be on the field now anyway.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Garcia and JJ had come by one day which was nice. Reid pretended he didn’t see the looks Garcia and JJ exchanged when he stepped back when Garcia hugged him. She tactfully talked about Doctor Who which allowed Reid to hide behind the mechanics of the TARDIS.</p>
<p>“Spence…”, JJ called softly just as they’re about to leave.</p>
<p>Reid just smiled at her. “Hmm?”</p>
<p>“Spence, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I’m not doing anything”, Reid replied shrugging his shoulders.</p>
<p>JJ was going to say something more but was interrupted by her phone.  </p>
<p>“You should go JJ”.</p>
<p>“<em>Promise</em> me you’ll take care of yourself”.</p>
<p>Reid nodded wordlessly. It was hardly the first time he’d broken a promise.</p>
<p>In the car, Garcia noticed the blank expression on JJ’s face and sighed, “JJ?”</p>
<p>“He’s falling apart, Pen”, she whispered, voice cracking. “He’s falling apart and, and I’m scared this time he won’t be able to pick himself back up again”.</p>
<p>Garcia reached out and placed a comforting hand on JJ’s arm, “Then we’ll be there for him when he falls apart. He has us. We’ll pick him up”.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“You okay?” Hotch asked, handing Rossi a coffee.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah I’m fine”, Rossi replied, taking a seat opposite. “You know the kid went over to Emily’s that day?”</p>
<p>Hotch raised his eyebrows, “He did? That’s nice. Good that he’s getting out”.</p>
<p>“Mmm-hmm”, Rossi hummed with an expression Hotch knew all too well.</p>
<p>“Dave…”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying anything!”</p>
<p>“Don’t say anything. It’s not at all what you’re thinking. You thought the same thing about JJ and him”.</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure half the team did. And I didn’t think even her relationship with that cop was serious till I went to their housewarming”.</p>
<p>Hotch looked at Rossi pointedly. “Well don’t get any ideas about Prentiss and Reid either. She’s older than him-“</p>
<p>“By less than five years”, Rossi interrupted.</p>
<p>“-and I don’t think either of them see each other that way”.</p>
<p>Rossi shrugged before changing the topic. “What about Gideon? You find any of the old paperwork or his contacts or anything?”</p>
<p>Hotch frowned, “Old paperwork is usually archived. I could ask Garcia but I’d have to explain everything and I’d rather keep her out of it and the last contact number I had of him is defunct now”.</p>
<p>“You think Stephen knows where he is?”</p>
<p>“Maybe. Otherwise we’ll just turn up at his cabin’s doorstep”, Hotch said, half joking.</p>
<p>“Knew the man for more than twenty years and hardly know anything about him”.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>The first thing that hit Rossi the moment he stepped in the house was how dark it was. It was teetering into night time and none of the lights were on and he considered that Reid perhaps wasn’t at home. He wasn’t sure if he felt uneasy but on instinct, he checked to make sure his gun was in the roster as he made his way towards Reid’s room. The door was ajar and the lights inside were shut off but the curtains were pulled back so Rossi could still see the inside relatively clearly. Rossi tentatively pushed the door open.</p>
<p>Spencer was hunched on the floor, fully clothed with his back pressed against the wall and knees folded up to his chest. His eyes seemed glazed but there’s not enough light in the room to make sure. The scene startled Rossi enough to make him take a step back, although he recovers almost immediately.</p>
<p>“Spencer?” he called out, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He’s also trying to keep his voice steady because right now Spencer is scaring him.</p>
<p>Reid looked up and Rossi thinks he can see tear tracks on his cheeks.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, Spencer says, swiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just-I just needed…”, he trailed off, clenching his fists in frustration at not being able to voice how he’s feeling.</p>
<p>“Okay. It’s okay”, Rossi tried to soothe. He felt a little hopeless, completely out of his depth. He sat down on floor, cross legged, in front of Reid. “Can I sit here?” Thankfully Reid nodded. Unsurely, he asked, “What do you need? What can I do?”</p>
<p>“I want to talk to my mom”, Reid said immediately, voice shaky.</p>
<p>“Okay. We can do that. Do you want me to give her care home a call?”</p>
<p>Reid shook his head vigorously, confusing Rossi.</p>
<p>“Spencer?”</p>
<p>Reid looked up at Rossi for a moment before his face crumpled. “She won’t recognise me”.</p>
<p>“Oh”. Rossi felt stupid at the response but he wasn’t sure what else to say.</p>
<p>Reid sat up straighter, pulling his knees in even closer. “Schizophrenia’s genetic”, he said, hoping Rossi would understand him.</p>
<p>He did. Understanding finally shifted in like slots and Rossi felt an overwhelming sense of grief towards the younger man. “Oh, kid”, he whispered out before he could stop himself. It made sense now.</p>
<p>“I called her in the morning. She wasn’t lucid. She didn’t remember me”.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Spencer”.</p>
<p>“There were clear symptoms when she started having her first breaks”, Reid was spewting it out like this wasn’t personal.</p>
<p>“Are you worried because you’re having similar symptoms?” Rossi asked gently, thinking it may be easier if he brought it up first.</p>
<p>Reid nodded. “I have really bad migraines. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. And I…” he cut himself off with a choked sob and Rossi just about stopped himself from reaching out to physically comfort the man. “I’m <em>always</em> having flashbacks. And I’m just so <em>scared</em>”.</p>
<p>“That’s okay. It’s okay to be scared”. Rossi paused, considering his next words carefully. “Kid, what you’re going through, that’s not necessarily schizophrenia. That’s <em>trauma</em>. Kid, that’s likely PTSD.”</p>
<p>Reid shook his head, willing himself to argue but Rossi remained firm.</p>
<p>“No listen to me. You <em>know</em> it. Spencer, you need help. There’s no shame in that. But you need to let yourself be aided. There’s an old friend of mine. She helped me a lot after Vietnam. She’s a psychiatrist now”.</p>
<p>Reid looked up with wide, vulnerable eyes, tears leaking out. “Will you come with me?”</p>
<p>Rossi smiled. “Ofcourse”. He reached out and gently squeezed Reid’s shoulder who tensed for just a moment.</p>
<p>“Okay”, Reid nodded.</p>
<p>“Good. You ready to get up now?”</p>
<p>Reid contemplated for a moment, looking around at the room before nodding. “Yes”.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've also officially entered my "In love with Mathew gray Gubler even though he's 23 years older than me" phase. I've watched all the unauthorised docs, 68 Kill, Horse Girl and Hot Air. </p>
<p>Anyone else in love with MGG? Or just me?</p>
<p>Shoutout to everyone who's been commenting. You guys are so amazing. Thank you so much. Let me know what you think of this chapter. </p>
<p>And let me know if there's anything specific you'd like to read and I'll try to incorporate it if possible. </p>
<p>Stay safe and take care people.<br/>Cheers :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Lavender</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First off, I am SO sorry about the insanely long time after which I'm updating. There's been a lot of stuff going on in my life and I've been in a weird funk which made writing hard and I will be honest, I almost did abandon this story. But I really wanted to finish this so here I am. I can't promise anything but I can promise you I am trying super hard to work on this. If all goes well, I'll have the whole story out by the end of March. </p><p>I also realised I crossed 300 kudos and that's crazy. I'm so grateful for every single one of you who's read, subscribed, bookmarked, commented and left kudos on my fic. For all my regular readers who've stuck around, a special shout out to you poeple for keeping me going. You guys are the best. For all the new readers, thank you for giving me a chance. Hopefully you enjoy it here :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was twenty minutes into the first session when Spencer decided he was coming back for a second. Dr. Lachome was a tall woman with firm features and confident poise and looked about Rossi’s age. She didn’t bring up Spencer’s recent episode or his nightmares or his childhood. She just mentioned the abduction once and allowed Reid to speak, simply motioning to keep a track of the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before wrapping up I need to know something”, she said. She waited before being sure Reid was listening and continued. “How have you been sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been sleeping fine”, Reid immediately replied shortly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something shifted in Dr. Lachome’s features as she stared at Reid’s face for a second. With a sigh she closed her notes, setting them aside before speaking up, “Spencer, I want to help you and I know you want to help yourself but in order to do that you have to be honest. Not just to me. But to yourself. You’re an adult. Everything you say is confidential. So let’s start this again. How have you been sleeping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid stayed quiet for her while. Her tone was firm but not unkind. “Sorry”, he whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I know this hard”. Reid tensed, this was getting too close to profiling for his liking. “But I promise you nothing is going to happen without your input on it”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid nodded. “I guess I haven’t been sleeping well. It’s been a while”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave a small smile in gratitude. To his surprise and relief she didn’t press for more. “I can prescribe you some mild medication to help your body relax. You don’t have to take it. But it will likely make it easier for you to sleep”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan was waiting outside in the lobby, browsing through a sport magazine. He looked up as he saw Reid exiting. “Hey kid”, he smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid raised his hand in an awkward wave. “What’re you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rossi had some work so he asked me if I could pick you up”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Thank you. I’d usually take the subway but I…” he trailed off. <em>I can’t stay in crowded places since I was kidnapped and tortured.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan’s eyes softened. “Kid, it’s okay. I’m happy to be here”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both made their way to Morgan’s car and Derek couldn’t help but notice how off Reid’s cardigan and sweater vest outfit looked in DC summer. He stopped himself from asking though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Rossi anyway?” Reid asked, sitting inside the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably with Hotch again. Not sure”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>What</em> are they doing? Is it a case?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan shrugged. “If it’s a case they didn’t tell the rest of the team”, he answered honestly. “Don’t worry, kid. It’s probably just some cold case their reviewing”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid didn’t seem convinced but he stayed quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So should I drop you back to Rossi’s? Or you want to come over to mine? We could watch a movie. Garcia’s actually got me thinking those Doctor Who movies aren’t bad”, Morgan said with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually uh- could you drop me to Emily’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan raised his eyebrows in surprise for just a second before schooling his features. “Sure, sure. You- uh- you been spending a lot of time with Emily?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid shrugged, seemingly unaware of Morgan’s hidden question. “I guess”. He looked at Morgan staring straight at the road, a small smirk on his face. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does everyone behave so funny when I tell them about Emily?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know kid. It’s nothing serious. It’s good you’re spending time with a wo-with Emily”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid looked confused again but dropped it. <em>What was special about him spending time with Emily?</em></span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As he walked up the stairs to Emily’s apartment, Reid got reminded of how familiar the passage had become over the past month. He loved his entire team. They were like family to him. JJ and Derek and Penelope were like the protective siblings he always yearned for and he supposed Hotch and Rossi were the paternal figures, not that he’d ever admit it. But Emily…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was something different with Emily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure what. But he always felt a different dynamic with Emily than he had with others. A different…something between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knocked twice, opting out of using the doorbell. He heard shuffling inside immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey”, Emily greeted, smiling. “Come on in”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Spencer made his way inside, he caught a scent of the perfume she had on. Sweet, delicate, somehow he could picture it. It reminded him of lavenders. He shoved down the sudden urge to ask her about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coffee or tea?” she asked. “I got this fancy coffee machine and bean from a new brand, so I’d recommend the coffee”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid smiled and his heart suddenly warmed. Emily wasn’t a huge coffee drinker. “Coffee then. Thank you”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, taking out a french press and manual grinder along with <em>whole</em> <em>beans.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah”, Reid said, touched and impressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah”, she laughed. It sounds pretty. She’s quiet for a bit, working diligently grinding the beans. “How’s…stuff been? Sorry. That’s probably a stupid question to ask”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s fine”, he reassured. “I’ve been, I don’t know, just been I guess”. He hesitated before continuing. “I had my first session today, with a therapist”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily looked up. ‘’That’s good. I’m really happy to hear that, Spence”. She doesn’t press for more because she knows Reid doesn’t want to talk about it and he realises it’s the little things like that make Emily the way she is. He finds himself smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re done with the elaborate process nearly a half hour later and are both adequately comfortable on the couch, perched on either end, feet almost touching each other. <em>Almost</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna watch something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid shrugged. “Sure”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to. I’m down with anything. If you wanna talk, I’m here”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, could you talk? And I can listen? I just need to...I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh yeah. Sure. I can talk. Anything in special?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I finally getting the chance to infodump on Dr. Spencer Reid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid cracked a smile. “Maybe”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m taking full advantage then. Let’s get comfortable”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily pushed herself up slightly and stretched out her legs completely, bringing them right beside Reid’s legs. She paused just for a few seconds, as if to silently ask if it was okay but Reid didn’t seem to mind so she propped the cushions to allow both them to rest their feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So”, she began. “Obviously as a kid we travelled around a lot. Like every few years we’d be in a different country. And I realised that I picked up on languages pretty fast…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reid was almost a little dazed, just about half listening. Emily bobbed her head in a pattern when she talked and her hair fell on her face in a nice way. And she talked with her hands every so often. There was <em>definitely</em> something different about Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you get this?” Hotch asked, staring down at the telephone number scribbled on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi shrugged. “Old publishing contact of mine. Not important.” Hotch eyed him but didn’t say anything. “The question is, do you want to call him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hotch shrugged. “I don’t know. Finding his contact is one thing. But I’m not sure how I feel about going behind Reid’s back”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi sighed, “Look Aaron, the kid’s not doing well. He tries to show he is. But he isn’t. And there’s far more to it than just Brigs and I have a feeling Gideon knows about it all. We don’t have to mention anything. For all you know Gideon might help Reid get back on track”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the Unit Chief”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hotch looked annoyed. “This isn’t a case Dave”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. I didn’t mean that. All I want is to help Reid and if Jason is a way to do that then I think we should”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hotch looked down for a few minutes before responding. “Okay. I’ll talk”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rossi nodded as Hotch picked up the phone and dialled the number. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cutting back on the angst a bit and bringing you guys some nice, soft Spemily content. ALSO, WE'RE FINALLY GETTING TO GIDEON....I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. But don't worry, you'll be hit with a trcuk load of angst and angsty comfort soon enough.</p><p>Btw, to all my readers, JUST CURIOUS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IN ANY WAY, how old are my average readers? I'm really just curious to know is all, no reason as such. Please don't feel pressured to answer at all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Did you even fucking try?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>FINALLY, WE'RE ONTO GIDEON. </p><p>This chapter has only one scene but I wanted the whole thing to be focused solely on this. I hope it's not too anti climactic?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Didn’t imagine I’d be seeing you here”, Gideon said.</p><p>“That’s probably because you made sure you were hard to find”, Rossi replied dryly, picking up cup of coffee. The two of them along with Hotch were seated in Gideon’s office. It was well into the night and the tension in the room was starting to almost physically engulf the room against the piercing quiet.</p><p>“It’s nice to see you Gideon”, Hotch said keeping his voice steady, hoping to ease some of the tension.</p><p>“You really mean that?” Gideon fired back. Hotch stayed quiet.</p><p>When no one spoke for the next couple minutes, Gideon pressed again. “There’s obviously a reason you’re here, Dave and I’d be grateful if you get on with it”.</p><p>Dave was quiet for a few moments before speaking, quiet and calculated. “How’d you get Spencer to join the BAU?”</p><p>Gideon was surprised by the question. Rossi and Hotch didn’t need to be profilers to see that. He was surprised. And a little annoyed? Nervous?</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How’d you get Spencer to join the BAU? Or perhaps more appropriately, how’d you get the Bureau to hire Spencer? He was far too young”. <em>And far too unprepared. </em>But he left that part out.</p><p>“He’s a genius”, Gideon answered carefully.</p><p>“Sure. But there have been other young prodigies who’ve been rejected”.</p><p>“Well Spencer didn’t”, Gideon said with a slight shrug.</p><p>“Exactly”. Dave set the coffee down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So how did Spencer get in, Jason?”</p><p>Hotch was observing the conversation with increasing uneasiness. He was profiling, truly profiling Gideon. Using the same tactics on his mentor that had been taught to him. Gideon’s body language was off. It was clear from the way he was swallowing every few minutes and softly tapping his fingers against the arm rest.</p><p>“Where is this coming from?”</p><p>Hotch looked towards Rossi, silently willing him to what he was thinking.</p><p>“Just something I noticed in the records some time back”.</p><p>Hotch relaxed. There was no way in hell that Gideon had the right to know what happened.</p><p>“Something you noticed?” Gideon didn’t believe Rossi.</p><p>Rossi didn’t care.</p><p>“Yes”. Dave leaned forward again, voice dropping. “Jason I will find out. Some way or the other, whether you tell me or not. But when I find out and if you had anything done out of the books, and I <em>know</em> you had, I <em>will</em> make sure you pay for it. You’ll lose everything. You know I have the ability to do that. But if you tell me, maybe, just maybe I’ll reconsider”.</p><p>Gideon’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second but Rossi noticed. He was nervous.</p><p>Finally, after what seemed like eternity, he spoke up.</p><p>“You know the evaluations new agents have to pass before the BAU’s allowed to admit them?”</p><p>Hotch frowned. Where was Gideon going with this?</p><p>“Yeah?” Dave replied, voice tight.</p><p>“Well Reid passed through the written tests in a breeze. Obviously didn’t pass the physical criteria but ofcourse the Bureau made concessions for that. But”, Gideon stopped himself.</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“The psych eval”, Gideon said simply.</p><p>“What about it? Reid cleared it. We have the report from the Bureau psychologist. I’ve gone over it”, Hotch was the one speaking now.</p><p>Gideon looked up straight to Hotch. As if he was daring the younger agent to figure it out.</p><p>“You faked it didn’t you?” Dave said with a scoff. “You faked the eval report. You were Unit Chief. Not hard for you to do that”. Gideon stayed quiet. Dave pressed on, voice getting louder incrementally. “What did you do? Pay off the psychologist? Threaten him? Just make up shit and put it in the report?”</p><p>“Dave-“</p><p>“Jason, how did you do it?”</p><p>Gideon sighed. “I told the psychologist to forget about the report. Gave him a couple grand from the budget, gave him a few more paid holidays, some glowing recommendations”.</p><p>“So you bribed him”. It wasn’t a question.</p><p>“Dave you have to understand”, Gideon started.</p><p>“What did the report say?” Rossi interrupted. “What did the original report say?”</p><p>“Dave-“</p><p>“Jason I swear to God, I will call the cops and have you arrested right now. What did the fucking report say?”</p><p>“He had major depressive disorder at that point, along with generalised anxiety disorder. The report also suspected he may have been or was at risk of being a self harmer. That and obviously his genetic disposition of schizophrenia”. Gideon was rambling these off far too calmly.</p><p>Hotch wanted to punch something. Scratch that. He wanted to punch Gideon. He wanted to scream at him; to grab the man and shake him. He felt his eyes sting, in grief, frustration or anger, he wasn’t sure.</p><p>“Dave listen to me”, Gideon tried again. “You have to understand. When I met Reid at fourteen, I <em>knew</em> he was meant for this. Do you know how many lives we saved? How many killers we caught? How many deaths we brought justice because of Reid? Our solve rate skyrocketed with him. I spent three years with Reid training him for this”.</p><p>Rossi seemed stunned. “Do <em>you</em> understand Jason?” he whispered harshly. “You took a seventeen year old <em>child</em>, a literal <em>child,</em> suffering and hurt, and placed him into a sick and cruel, twisted world; a world that seasoned people like us have been consumed by.”</p><p>Gideon looked like he wanted to speak again but Rossi beat him to it.</p><p>“His father was probably abusing him-“</p><p>“His father was gone when I met him-”</p><p>“His father had been abusing him and you knew, you fucking knew and you didn’t do <em>anything. </em>His mother was schizophrenic and he was alone and you didn’t do <em>anything</em>. Did you even fucking <em>try</em> to get him help Jason?”</p><p>“He never asked me, Dave. His father wasn’t there in the picture anymore”.</p><p>“A fourteen year old child shouldn’t have to ask Jason! You should have been helping him rather than… <em>grooming</em> him to catch killers and rapists!”.</p><p>Gideon winced slightly at the choice of words. “Dave-“</p><p>“And what did you do? You committed federal fraud to hire a mentally ill seventeen year old child you had been scouting for three years, who needed desperate help, and threw him to tackle terrorists and rapists and killers and the sorts. <em>That’s </em>what you did”. Dave took a deep breath before continuing. “Jason, that’s how killers are created! What if…God, what if Spencer snapped and hurt himself, <em>really</em> hurt himself or god forbid hurt others-“ Dave cut off as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Dave”, Hotch said with a slight nod, squeezing Rossi’s shoulder gently. Dave took a deep breath.</p><p>“You ruined your son”, Dave started again. It was perhaps overstepping a line but at this point he didn’t care. “And you very nearly ruined another child who considered you as close to a father as he could. And you didn’t even have the conscience to visit him after leaving him with nothing but a monumental guilt tripping, self servicing note because that’s exactly what it was”.</p><p>Dave stood up, put on his coat and stared hard at Gideon again. “I can still lock your ass up for years or at the very least ruin your reputation and I probably will. But do yourself a small favour and do not look for another genius or prodigy to exploit, Jason. Do not do that. It won’t end well. I promise you”.</p><p>Rossi and Hotch turned around and left before Gideon had a chance to reply.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
</p><p>Rossi noticed the younger agent had hardly spoken since leaving Gideon’s office.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked softly.</p><p>“Yeah I just”, Hotch swallowed to keep his voice steady. “I just, I can’t believe I <em>missed</em> all this. I’m Unit Chief. I should have-“</p><p>“Aaron don’t do this”, Dave interrupted. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not. This is on Gideon. <em>Completely</em> on Gideon”.</p><p>Hotch sighed. “Yeah, maybe. I just…<em>god</em>, Spencer”.</p><p>“He’ll heal Aaron”.</p><p>“Will he?”</p><p>“He will. He has us. His friends. His <em>family</em>. It will take time and it will be hard. But he <em>will</em> recover. He <em>will</em> get through it.</p><p>Hotch gave a small smile and nodded. He had to believe it. That was all he could do right now.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Incase anyone gets confused, yes I changed my username XD</p><p>PS: Incase anyone takes offense, I know grooming as a term is used in a sexual way but I don't think it always has to be. I think in this scenario (in the fic that is), Gideon did groom Reid, even if it is in a very different way than we're  used to thinking.  </p><p>We're also starting to see the beginnings of the end of the fic and I think I might actually be able to see this through! There's a truck load of whump and angsty comfort coming up which I'm excited about.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Going Insane</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the lovely comments. You guys are the best. Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was a doozy to write.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something felt off.</p><p>Something felt uneasy to Spencer from the moment he woke up. An uncanny, anxious feeling that settled in the gut and lingered throughout, like he <em>knew</em> today was going to be a bad day. </p><p>He’d had a not so minor…episode yesterday in the shower and by the time he managed to ground himself his arm was littered with scratches. He knew how it all read. He wasn’t doing it intentionally but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore at this point.</p><p>Spencer knew he should be talking about all this with Dr. Lacombe. He’d been having more sessions recently and each was a dichotomy of trepidation and relief for him. She was obviously good at her job, knowing exactly how much to push and when to stop. He hadn’t really touched upon his childhood or William. They, or rather, she, talked primarily about Brigs and his kidnapping. He still had not got around to admitting everything that Brigs did to him. That was a secret he was determined to take to the grave, a part of him he was determined to hide.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reid was walking. He was walking to someplace familiar. Atleast he thought he was. Actually he wasn’t sure where he was walking to. </p><p>It’s raining which has made the ground muddy. His shoes and the bottom of his trousers are all caked in mud. Normally he would freaked out at that- at the germs, the dirt, the wetness. But now he keeps walking. He isn’t even sure if he notices it at all. </p><p>There’s so many people on the street. They push against him hurriedly, getting in his way. Or he gets in their way. They’re all in a hurry. Maybe because it’s starting to rain heavier. Or maybe because the 9 PM train is about to leave in 53 seconds. He knows that because it’s the train he often takes. Or used to take?</p><p>He stops walking suddenly in the middle of the pavement and looks around. He looks at the neon signs on the small family restaurants, he looks at the cars with their wipers dashing frantically, he looks at the people walking quickly, some under their umbrellas, some getting wet. </p><p>It’s all unfamiliar. He isn’t even sure where he is. </p><p>A pit of fear forms in the bottom of his stomach. It’s suddenly too bright, too loud, too much. He doesn’t know where he is, he doesn’t know how he got here. Fuck, he doesn’t even remember leaving Rossi’s house. </p><p>He suddenly feels someone putting a hand on his shoulder. He spins around immediately but no one’s there. Ignoring the growing sense of pure fear brooding in him, he starts walking again. Is someone stopping him again?</p><p>
  <em>“Do you like that Spencie? Oh, don’t be shy, you love that don’t you?”</em>
</p><p>The moment he hears that, he starts running. He runs for his life. He doesn’t know what he’s running from, but he’s running so fast, faster than he’s ever run.</p><p><em>“You’re such a freak, Spencer. I’ll show you what being a smartass does to you”. </em>Is that a different voice?</p><p>His vision starts to blur but he continues running. He spots a group of homeless men, clearly high out of their minds, sitting in the corner of the sidewalk. He finds himself running towards them, unsure why. </p><p>He collapses against the concrete wall, back pressed against the hard surface. He finds himself scared again, but he doesn’t even know why. Why was even here? <em>How</em> was even here?</p><p>
  <em>“What’s Derek gonna do when he finds out how dirty his pretty boy is?”</em>
</p><p>He whips his head around again in panic. But there’s no one here. Where did those men go? Where are the cars? Where are the people? How did the rain get so heavy?</p><p>“<em>You’re such a sinner, Spencie, so dirty. I’ll show you”. </em></p><p>He stands up. He suddenly looks at a man approaching him and his blood turns to ice and he has to fight the urge to vomit. Brigs was supposed to be in jail. “<em>I told you I’d be back, Spencie”. </em>No that’s not right. He can’t be here.</p><p>“Hey, man, you okay? It’s pouring and you’re soaked to the bones”. Reid’s vision clears and he finds himself staring at the stranger. </p><p>“I-“, he tries to get something out but his voice seems stuck.</p><p>“You sure you’re okay?’’ For some unexplainable, unfathomable reason Reid finds himself nodding. </p><p>The man turns around and walks off without a word. He probably thinks Reid is another junkie. He almost feels like one.</p><p>He looks around as the spinning world comes to a still. He puts together the memory loss, the unexplained voice and the visions and comes to one conclusion.</p><p>He’s losing his goddamn mind.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Garcia?” Rossi asks for what’s probably the hundredth time.</p><p>“I’m trying. His phone is still on but the storm’s made the connection really weak. I keep losing him”. She sounds completely defeated but unlike other times, Hotch doesn’t have the time to comfort her.</p><p>“Prentiss?” She’s staring out the window, completely dazed. Hotch doesn’t comment on how unusual that is for her. “Prentiss?” he repeates, a little louder this time. </p><p>“Yeah?” she turns around and Hotch thinks her eyes are red.</p><p>“Take JJ and check his apartment”. All she can really do is nod and walk out.</p><p>Rossi is sitting on the couch at the back, elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. It’s so uncharacteristic of the older agent, Hotch finds himself more than a little unnerved.</p><p>“I didn’t even…I didn’t even notice he was gone until…” he whispers, trailing off at the end.</p><p>“Did he say anything specific? Did you notice anything?”</p><p>“No I, I can’t think of anything”. Hotch settles on squeezing his shoulder gently before turning back to Garcia.</p><p>“Hotch”, Derek says softly, voice shaky, moving closer to him to keep the conversation between them. “You think he might…he might hurt himself or…do something worse?”</p><p>Hotch feels his gut squeeze and he can’t find it in himself to answer.</p><p>“It’s raining and I don’t know if he has a jacket and it’s been what three hours and with the way the kid has been…fuck”, Derek breathes out frustrated.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Reid feels something vibrate in his pocket. Actually it’s been vibrating for a while but he’s just noticing it now. He pulls out the ancient model of a phone. His hands are wet from the rain and dirty from the ground. He swipes at the caller but his hands are too shaky and he nearly drops it. Taking a deep breath, he tries again and brings the device close to his ear.</p><p>“Reid? Spencer?” The voice sounds familiar. “Reid! Reid can you hear me?” </p><p>Hotch? The spike of fear shoots up his stomach again and his vision start clouding. He doesn’t even know what’s real anymore. In a sudden impulsive fit he throws the phone across the street with a small yelp. It’s a good thing no one’s around the street.</p><p>He’s going fucking insane.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Damn it!” Hotch shouts, frustrated and in panic. “I lost him”.</p><p>“I got it!” Garcia yells from the corner. “I got the location of the phone. Hopefully he’s with it”.</p><p>He nods at her and turns around. “Dave call Emily and tell her we got a location. Tell them not to come here. I’m not sure…what condition he’ll be in. Derek and I’ll go pick him up”.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Even though the rain is starting to slow, Reid is already soaked and is acutely aware of the fact that he’s cold. And he’s shivering. </p><p>Scanning the outside while Morgan drives, Hotch tries to press down on the growing anxiety. They spot Reid huddled in the corner on the other side of the road. </p><p>“Stay in the car, I’ll go talk to him”, Hotch says without looking at Morgan and exits the car without waiting for a reply. </p><p>“Reid!” he shouts, half relieved, half angry. He can see with the way Reid’s hunched down, arms wrapped around his stomach, that he doesn’t seem to register Hotch’s presence. </p><p>“Reid!” Hotch shouts again, louder this time as runs across the street to the pavement. Reid finally seems to react and looks up.</p><p>Boundaries be damned, Hotch can’t stop himself from roughly pulling his subordinate into his arms and squeezing him tightly. “Where the <em>hell</em> have you been?” He asks, a lot more harshly than he intended, but he can’t stop himself. Reid is staring back at him with an expression that can only be described at <em>utterly</em> <em>terrified</em>. </p><p>“Reid?”</p><p>“Hotch?” Reid finally speaks, voice breaking. “Is that you?”</p><p>“Yes Reid, it’s me”.</p><p>“That’s really you? You swear?” Reid asks again, voice cracking.</p><p>Hotch swallows to force himself to stay calm and grabs onto the younger man’s shoulder, looking him straight into the eye. “Yes, Spencer, I promise you. It’s really me. Why did you come here?”</p><p>Reid’s face twists again. “I don’t know. I don’t know”.</p><p>“Shh, it’s okay”, Hotch interrupts. He doesn’t let it show how unnerving it is that their genius agent with an eidetic memory can’t remember. “Let’s go back to the car okay?” </p><p>Reid doesn’t respond but he lets himself be guided by Hotch across the street. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was kinda nervous with this chapter. Was a rough one.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next update will be up soon. Catch you in the next chapter. Kudos and comments appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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